


Clarity

by bellarkecasxalty



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bellarke, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Maybe a little OOC, Slow Burn, bellarke AU, bellarke modern au, i hope not too ooc, the 100 au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-01
Updated: 2015-03-29
Packaged: 2018-03-15 17:41:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 30,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3456026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellarkecasxalty/pseuds/bellarkecasxalty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Yeah, I like that one.” I started to grab for it, but she shook her head, tossing it back on its rack.</p><p>“No, it’s too nice. We need something that says, look at me, I’m Clarke Griffin, and I’m a hot, badass princess.”</p><p>“Um,” I furrowed my brows. “But I’m not that.”</p><p>“But they don’t know that. This is your chance to be someone else, to have a completely different persona. Don’t you ever feel like changing who you are, just for one night?”</p><p> </p><p>*AU in which Clarke Griffin wants to stop being a boring, homebody, and when she finds a new guy to help her along with that, it backfires so she is talked into having a fake relationship with someone she thought she couldn't stand so her parents might be happy for once.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. it was just how you looked in the light

**Author's Note:**

> Soo I got the inspiration for this story from one of encountcr on tumblr's au idea posts. So all inspo cred goes to them! And also every chapter title will be lyrics from a song and also the title of this fic is named after one of my favorite songs (Clarity by ZEDD) just because I love music and yeah :) and it's going to take a few chapters for much bellarke, but I hope that's okay, I'm really excited about this fic and already have several chapters written, I just need to touch up the next one. Sooo, yeah I hope you like it!

I sigh and prop my chin up on my hand, groaning inwardly as my mom won’t stop babbling on during dinner. Around my table sit me, my father, mother, and our friends: Aurora Blake, and her son Bellamy and daughter Octavia. I’ve known them my whole life, so it wasn’t an oddity for them to be at our house. My mom grew up knowing Aurora, and they’ve been close their whole lives. So I basically grew up with her kids, they were my first friends as a child. Octavia was pretty cool, and I guess that we were good enough friends. But, Bellamy on the other hand, was a different story.

Bellamy and I had disliked each other for a long time now, and so when our families hung out it was extremely awkward. We always seemed to find something to argue about, and we could go at each other’s throats for hours if no one were to stop us. It’s not my fault he’s a pompous, egotistical ass who only ever thinks about himself. Both of our parents not-so-secretly wished that we would fall in love and marry each other. My mom loved to talk to me about him, she just didn’t understand how much I really couldn’t stand him.

At the moment, he was eating his spaghetti in silence, but when he noticed me looking over at him, he smirked. I rolled my eyes and stood, startling my mom.

“Clarke, where are you going?”

“I’m finished, I was going to put up my dishes. And I have homework that I should do…”

My mom shot me a fierce glare. It was Friday night, she knew I never did my homework on Friday.

“Really, Clarke?” Octavia chuckled. “I knew you were smart, but I didn’t think you were a nerd. C’mon, you should come with me tonight. My friends are having a party, it’s going to be really fun.”

“Yeah, I don’t know…I wouldn’t know anyone.” Octavia went to the local public high school, while I had been attending the prestigious and private Ark School of Science and Math, nicknamed The Ark, since I was in pre-k. So, suffice it to say, we didn’t run in the same crowd.

“Clarke, I think you should go! You’ll know Octavia, and I’m sure you’ll make some new friends, too.” My dad piped up, and I looked at him, his eyes were shining with hope. My parents constantly worried about me not having any friends, and not getting out of the house. I hadn’t spoken to my ex-best friend, Wells, in almost a year. He did something that I couldn’t forgive, and so I shut him, and everyone else out. I think this was partly the reason why my parents never seemed happy anymore.

“I think that’s a wonderful idea, Tavia.” Aurora smiled at me. I looked round the table at all of their expectant faces.

“Fine,” I gave in. “But I don’t want to stay all night.”

“Yay!” Octavia squealed, clapping her hands together. We were nearly the same age, I was a senior, she was a junior, but sometimes I felt a lot more mature than her. I rolled my eyes as she stood, grabbing my arm and pulling me toward the stairs.

“Where are we going?”

“To pick out your outfit, duh!”

“What’s wrong with this?” I frowned, looking down at my clothes. I was wearing a baby blue soft sweater and dark jeans that were rolled up at the ankles to fit my on-the-short-side legs.

“I mean, it’s cute and all, but not really party clothes. You know what I mean?” I could tell she was trying not to hurt my feelings, but I just shrugged, looking at her outfit. She was donned in a red top with lace detail, a leather jacket over it, and a tight black skirt pulled over polka-dot tights. On her feet were black combat boots. I had always admired Octavia’s fierce, edgy style, but I knew that I could never pull off something like that. So I stuck to the basics, kept my look soft and girlish, but pretty much stayed away from jewelry and makeup.

I swung open my closet door, stepping into what was probably every girls dream, except mine. I had a huge walk-in closet, with rows of clothes idle on hangers and name-brand shoes and purses that hardly got used. It’s not that I didn’t like them, but I didn’t see the point in having all of this. And my school required uniforms, and I don’t go out much, so where was I supposed to wear it to, anyway? But I guess, now I had somewhere.

Octavia’s eyes lit up like they always did anytime we were in my room. She took a moment to hold her breath, and then began perusing through possible choices.

“So, who’s throwing this party, anyway?”

“Remember my friends Jasper and Monty?”

“Yeah, sure,” I nodded, vaguely remembering a tall lanky boy with a geeky sense of humor, and his equally geeky sidekick who didn’t say much. “It’s their party?”

“Well, sort of. I mean, it’s at Monty’s house, but I pretty much organized and invited everyone.”

I nodded. She started pulling things off the racks, laying them over my chair. I waited until she was finished and she started showing me the options. First she held up a pretty purple dress that I had worn maybe once, I think on our last vacation.

“Yeah, I like that one.” I started to grab for it, but she shook her head, tossing it back on its rack.

“No, it’s too nice. We need something that says, look at me, I’m Clarke Griffin, and I’m a hot, badass princess.”

“Um,” I furrowed my brows. “But I’m not that.”

“But they don’t know that. This is your chance to be someone else, to have a completely different persona. Don’t you ever feel like changing who you are, just for one night?”

“No. I mean, I don’t know…” I admitted. I guess she kind of had a point. I did get bored of myself sometimes, being the daughter of rich parents, having little friends, and saying and doing the same things all the time. “Okay, you’re right. Except, I don’t know if I have anything badass in here…”

“Don’t worry, we’ll find something.”

Twenty minutes and several outfits later, we had decided on my tightest black skinny jeans, a plain white v neck, and a red and black flannel that I didn’t even know I had. Octavia talked me into tying the flannel around my waist. For shoes, I told her I wasn’t doing anything more than my converse. She then rushed me back into my room and to my vanity, sitting me down on the stool.

“Okay, I’ve got ten minutes to make your makeup match your outfit before we have to leave. Party starts in thirty.”

"What kind of makeup are we talking? I don't really wear a lot."

"Clarke, do you trust me?"

I nodded reluctantly and let her work her magic. She swept numerous things across my face, and quicker than I thought possible, I had a subtle smoky eye and winged eyeliner. My lips were painted a dark red. We left my hair natural, it fell past my shoulders in blonde, messy waves.

“Whoa.” I breathed, seeing a new person looking at me in the mirror. “Octavia, holy crap. I look…”

“Totally sexy, I know. Now let’s go!”

I jumped up, grabbing my phone and small purse that held my wallet and went over my shoulder. We both pounded down the stairs, and were met with our parents and Bellamy standing in the entry hall by the door, in the middle of saying goodbye. Everyone did a double take when they saw me, including Bellamy.

“Clarke…?” My mom’s voice trailed off. “I see you finally used all that makeup you’ve got.”

“Not me, it was all Octavia. How do I look?”

“You look, great, as always. Great.” My mom and dad both nodded.

“Okay, we all agree, Clarke looks extremely hot, that’s good. Now we really have to go. Bye Abby, bye Jake! Thanks for dinner! Bye mom, bye Bell!” Tavia hugged everyone, saving her brother for last. They shared a quick but meaningful embrace.

“Be safe, O. I love you.”

“I will. Love you, too.”

I followed her out the door. It always amazed me how Octavia seemed to be the only person Bellamy cared about. It was easy to see how much he loved her, he was the most protective older brother I had ever met, and he was always trying to take care of her. But she was the only one. He was almost five years older than her, about three and a half older than me. I had just turned 18, which made him over 21. He was now attending William and Mary, which was only forty or so minutes away via bus. He came home nearly every day, but he sometimes stayed in his friend’s apartment if he needed to. I never asked, but I think they couldn’t afford for him to live on campus. The only reason he could afford the school was because of all his academic scholarships. He was, I hated to admit, very smart. That, his love for his sister, and his willingness to go to college and have a job, were sadly his only redeeming qualities. Well, that and he was unbearably attractive.

I shook off my thoughts as I hopped into Octavia’s car. Before I was even strapped in, we were off, and I let out a small gasp.

“In a hurry, much?”

“Yes, I am.” She stuck out her tongue without looking at me, and I laughed.

“So, are you going to like ditch me tonight to hang out with some guy?”

“What? What makes you think I’m going for a guy?”

“Because every time I see you, you’re talking about guys. Don’t even try to deny it, you know I’m right. There’s a guy, isn’t there? What’s his name?” I prodded her with questions, seeing a slow grin across her face.

“Okay, you’re kind of right. I did meet a guy, but he’s not going to be at the party. It's not exactly his scene.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, his names Lincoln. I met him at this really cool survival gear store that Jas and I went to. He works there. He’s so nice, and seriously gorgeous.”

“Oh, okay. So, has he asked you out yet?”

“No, but we’ve talked on the phone a few times this week. I think I’ll go and see him at work soon, and maybe he’ll ask me then.”

“Why don’t you ask him? You’re a strong, independent young woman. You don’t need him to make the first move.”

“Clarke, that is so true! You’re right. I think I will ask him out.”

“Good! So does he not go to your school?”

“No, he goes somewhere else. Can’t remember the name.” She suddenly turned up the radio. “I love this song!” she exclaimed and began singing along.

The rest of the ride was like this, no talking. I gathered myself when we arrived at Monty’s house, realizing this was the first social event with this many people my age I had been to in a long time. I would survive this, though. I wasn’t boring, nice little Clarke tonight. I was someone new. And maybe the new me would last.

I followed Octavia through the yard and into the house, which was already filled with people and pumping music. I gazed around, seeing teenagers everywhere. Dancing, drinking, eating, talking. Octavia led me around until she found who she was looking for. I recognized Monty and Jasper standing in the kitchen and they both embraced Octavia excitedly.

“Hey Mon, Jas, you remember Clarke, right?”

“Clarke Griffin?” Monty asked, his mouth wide. “You look, um, different.”

“Good different,” Jasper clarified, his face lighting up. I blushed, but tried not to look too affected.

“Thanks. Nice party.” I gestured around.

“You’re welcome, can I get you a drink? Some food, maybe?”

“Um, I just ate but I’ll take a coke if you have some.” I thought about having a beer, but I figured Octavia would, and one of us needed to be able to drive home safely.

“Yeah, coke, sure.” Jasper nodded and reached into the nearby fridge. He handed me a can, his fingers brushing mine slightly. I pulled away awkwardly.

Octavia started up a conversation and we talked for a little while, and they introduced me to some of their other friends, like Roma, Harper, Nathan who went by his last name Miller, and Monroe. They all seemed pretty cool, even though Jasper and Monty didn’t seem like the type to be popular. But Octavia definitely was, and maybe they were popular by default for being her friend. Jasper kind of gave me the vibe that he had a crush on Octavia, which was sweet, but I felt bad because she only thought of him as a friend.

Eventually Octavia had to use the bathroom, so I left the kitchen behind her. I looked around the large living room for someone who looked like they wanted company. I didn’t have to look for long, because I was nearly knocked over. I let out a grunt and caught myself with the back of a chair. I turned around to see who had hit me.

“Oh, shit, I’m so sorry! I didn’t see you,” said a tall, long-haired boy. He looked about my age, and genuinely sorry for almost falling on me.

“No worries,” I assured him. He smiled at me, holding out his hand.

“I’m Finn. Have we met?”

“I’m Clarke. No, I don’t go to your school. I’m just here with a friend.”

“Oh, well then, very nice to meet you, Clarke. Is there any way I can show you how sorry I am?” he winked at me, and my heart leapt.

“Well,” I laughed, “all I really want is someone to hang out with. Octavia’s in the bathroom, but she probably wanted to be rid of me, anyway. Do you know her, Octavia?”

“The Blake girl? Yeah, of course. She’s pretty cool. How do you two know each other?”

“Old family friends.”

“Ahh. Here, do you wanna sit?” He gestured toward the half empty couch, and I nodded, curling one leg under the other as I sat facing him. “So, Clarke, what school do you go to?”

I sighed, and thought about lying. But I didn’t really see the point, and besides, this guy was really cute, and nice. I didn’t want to lie to him. “You probably know it best as The Ark.”

“Oh, so you’re a private school girl? Nice. I’ve actually never met anyone from there.”

“Well, now you have. Consider yourself privileged.” I did a short mock bow, making him laugh.

“Thank you for granting me with your presence, Princess.” He bowed back, getting a laugh out of me. When I heard him say princess, though, it triggered something in my brain. Some memory, déjà vu or something. But I couldn’t think of what. I ignored the feeling, perfectly content to sit here and talk to my new friend.

We talked for what felt like hours, about everything. Our lives, dreams, hopes, and this boy was everything I had ever imagined my perfect boyfriend would be like. He was handsome, he could make me laugh, he listened, and he understood me. It was all interrupted by a hard tap on my shoulder. I jumped, turning to see Octavia.

“Clarke, we’re leaving. Now.”

“What? Why?” I demanded. “What time is it?”

“It’s only nine-“

“We’ve been here for an hour, and we’re leaving?”

“Please. I want to leave.” Her face showed desperation and I turned serious. I stood, putting a hand on her arm.

“Tavia, what’s wrong?” I whispered worriedly.

“I just, I need to be alone. I feel really sick or something. And I don’t think I can drive. I had a few beers.”

I sighed, looking back at Finn who was politely looking away, trying not to eavesdrop.

“Okay,” I said, turning back to her. “We can leave. Just, meet me at the door, okay?”

She nodded and disappeared in the general direction of the front door. I turned back to Finn, who gave me an easy smile. “Well, looks like I’m leaving. It was really nice to meet you, Finn.”

“I had fun, Clarke.” He stood, about a foot from me. “Do you think, maybe, I could see you again?”

“Sure, I would like that,” I nodded, trying not to show how breathless I was. “Here, let me give you my number.” I nodded towards his phone that I could see in his front pocket. He shook his head, looking around the room for a second. I frowned, not sure what he was doing until he reached for a pen off the coffee table. He held it out for me, nodding towards his outstretched arm. I laughed, taking the pen and moving closer. I wrote it in neat handwriting, adding my name and a smiley face.

“So, how long do I have to wait to call you for it to be socially acceptable?” He grinned, his eyes lighting up.

“You don’t look like a guy who follows the social norm to me.”

“You’re right, I don’t. But, I would if you wanted me to.”

“You can call me whenever the hell you want. Whether that’s tonight, tomorrow, the next day or next week. Screw social rules. I don’t wanna deal with any of that anymore.”

“Good, neither do I. I’ll talk to you soon, then.”

“Okay. Goodnight, Finn.” I smiled one last time before leaving him. I made my way through the throngs of people, and found Octavia waiting patiently at the door. She handed me her keys and I opened the door. “Race ya!” I yelled, running excitedly towards her car. I slammed my hand down on the hood to show I had made it first, when I realized she hadn’t been running behind me. She was still coming at a slow pace, and I shrugged, getting into the driver’s seat and revving up the car. When she finally got in, she landed in the seat with a huff and leaned her head back.

“You should probably call my mom or Bell and let them know we’re on our way.”

“Okay. Wait, do you want to just stay at my house? Otherwise I can’t get home.”

“What about you staying at our apartment?”

“I guess that could work. Your mom wouldn’t mind?”

“She doesn’t mind anything, trust me.” Octavia trailed off sounding tired. I let her rest as we drove, and stopped at my house to get a few overnight essentials. It was on the way, conveniently. I left her in the car and began dialing her mother to let her know the plan. No answer. I tried her two more times, but still no answer. With a groan, I searched through my contacts and found Bellamy’s number, which I had put in there a long time ago at the request of my mother. He answered on the third ring.

“Why are you calling me, Princess?”

I sucked in a breath, realizing why I had that feeling of déjà vu earlier. Bellamy had come up with that nickname for me, when we were young. He hadn’t said it in forever, I had almost forgotten.

“Octavia and I are on our way over there.” I replied, my voice as irritated as it ever was when I had to talk to him. “She had a few beers, so I’m driving and I guess I’m staying the night, too.”

“Oh? You’re on your way already? O never leaves parties this early.” He sounded as shocked as I had been.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. She said she feels sick. Anyway, just wanted to give you guys a heads up. For the record, I tried your mom first. No answer. That’s the only reason I called you.”

“Okay then, whatever you say, _Princess_.”

“Please, stop calling me that.”

“I’ll think about it. Anyway, make sure you guys aren’t too loud tonight. I need my beauty sleep.”

“Okay,” I laughed. “Who’s the princess, now?”

“Still you. It’s always you, Clarke. I mean, Princess.”

  



	2. tell me im not dreaming alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellarke banter + Clarke's first kiss + typical Bellamy being a protective older brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter two, I hope you like it!

“Octavia, are you really sick?” I asked as we lay in the darkness of her room.

“No,” she admitted. “I just couldn’t stand to be there anymore.”

“Why?”

“Jasper, he said some things, and I just, I needed to get out. Away from them, from him.”

“What did he say?” I turned toward her, only seeing the outline of her body.

“Well, I have known for awhile that he’s got a crush on me. And I feel bad that I don’t feel the same way. But I guess I did kind of lead him on at one point, and I might have even kissed him. It was almost a year ago. I don’t know why I did it, he was upset about something, and I wanted him to feel better, so I kissed him. He thought it meant that I was in love with him. I had to tell him that I didn’t feel that way, and I think it hurt him, a lot. It was weird for a few weeks, but we moved on. I thought he was over it, that he had forgiven me. But tonight, he started talking about how I was talking to a new guy, and how he hoped I wouldn’t lead him on like I did some people. And then he told them all what I did to him. He was obviously drunk, or high, probably both. He called me a few names, and everyone was looking at me as if I were the bad guy. That’s when I came to find you.”

“Octavia…” I trailed off, not knowing what to say. “He shouldn’t have embarrassed you like that. He’s just hurt, and jealous, that’s all. And I’m sure he’ll apologize once he realizes what he did.”

“Yeah, I guess. I’m tired, Clarke.”

“Okay. Goodnight.”

Within the next few minutes her breathing slowed and I knew she was asleep. I followed soon after.

 

***

 

I woke up sometime early the next morning, startled by Octavia snoring a few inches from my face. For a moment, I was scared. Then I remembered last night’s events, and how I had slept over here. I rolled over to check the time. 7 am. I had always been one to wake up early, and I hated it. I knew I wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep, so I swung my legs off the bed, stretching my arms to the ceiling. A familiar scent hit my nose, and I immediately got up to see who was making coffee and to get some for myself.

I assumed it would be Aurora, so I happily made my way to the kitchen. I was met with the sight of a shirtless Bellamy facing away from me, leaning against the cabinet as his coffee brewed. Just when I was going to make my exit, he sensed me behind him and turned, startled.

“Oh, hey.” He coughed out an awkward greeting.

“Hey,” I nodded, trying to keep my eyes on his face, anywhere but his perfectly toned abdomen.

“Did you want some coffee?”

I cocked an eyebrow, surprised he was offering. I guess he could be nice, sometimes. “Yeah, if you don’t mind.”

“Well, you brought my sister home safe last night, so I owe you one.”

“I should’ve known that’s the only reason you’d be nice to me.” I laughed, settling on a bar stool and leaning on my elbows.

“Yep. After this coffee, we’re back to enemies.”

“Agreed.”

“So, Princess, how was the party, anyway?”

“Why have you started up that nickname again?”

“Um, I don’t really know.” He shrugged. “I guess because before I was afraid you may punch me or something. But I thought that we were kind of in a neutral time right now. Unless you _want_ to go back to war.”

“Whatever. I mean, as long as you don’t start something with me, I won’t start anything either. I still don’t like you, though.”

“I tolerate you. That’s it.”

“Exactly.”

“I think our parents hate that we can’t stand each other,” he chuckled as he reached for two mugs.

“Yeah, that’s the understatement of the century. You don’t know how much my mom talks you up to me. Bellamy this, Bellamy that. Like she’s holding up a neon sign saying ‘DATE BELLAMY BLAKE’.”

“My mom is the same.” He shook his head and we both laughed.

We were laughing together about how much we actually don’t like the other. Ironic. He turned back to me with my full cup, setting it carefully in front of me. I kept my eyes on him without realizing it, entranced by the muscles that rippled under his skin even with his slight movements, and the way his messy dark curls fell almost to his eyes.

“I know I’m extremely sexy, but didn’t anyone ever tell you that staring is rude?” He smirked and I rolled my eyes.

“Sorry, I was just zoned out thinking about all the reasons I can’t stand you. Your arrogance is one, like you just proved.”

“Well, I’m sorry the Princess can’t take a damn joke.”

I stood up, ignoring him and carrying my mug back to Octavia’s room, wishing I could slam the door.

 

 

***

 

Later, Octavia was driving me home. I was trying to question her about Lincoln, but she was dodging all of my questions expertly.

“Why don’t you tell me about your new friend? Hmm? What’s his name, Finn?”

“Oh, yeah. Have you guys met before? Is he nice?”

“Yeah, I mean he hasn’t lived here for very long. He seems cool, though. And he’s hot, so that’s a plus.”

“Yeah, he definitely is that.” I laughed, picturing his face. All morning I had been hoping he was going to text me. He hadn’t yet, so I was trying to not think about it.

“Wait a sec. Clarke, you’ve never had a boyfriend, have you?” Octavia took her eyes off the road and stared at me wide-eyed.

“No, and I won’t live to have one if you don’t pay attention to where you’re driving.”

“Well, I think Finn is definitely first-boyfriend material. He’s cute, polite, a little reckless. Perfect balance for you.”

“Whoa, slow down. Who says he even likes me like that? I mean, he hasn’t even texted me yet.”

Just as the words left my mouth, my phone buzzed loudly. Octavia scoffed, and I brought it up to my face. Sure enough, it was an unknown number.

 

**_Hey Clarke, it’s Finn. What’s up?_ **

****

“Okay, so that was him.” I couldn’t help smiling absently.

 

**_Hi_ ** **_J I’m just heading home, with Octavia. What about you?_ **

****

**_I am sitting at home alone, completely bored. I thought maybe_ **

**_you could help me with that. Are you busy later?_ **

****

**_Later as in tonight, this afternoon, orrr?_ **

****

**_Both?_ **

****

**_Nope. I’m scotch-free._ **

****

**_Awesome. We should meet up somewhere for lunch. I’m still_ **

**_a little new to the town, any suggestions?_ **

****

**_Umm, I think I know just the place. Do you like seafood?_ **

****

**_Love it._ **

****

**_Okay, but it’s not going to show up on google maps or_ **

**_anything, so maybe I should pick you up? Where do you live?_ **

****

**_Whoa, taking me somewhere that’s not on a map._ **

**_Should I be scared? You could be a serial killer._ **

****

**_I totally could be. I always take my victims out to dinner,_ **

**_then I poison it when they aren’t looking._ **

****

**_Death by poisoned fish. What a way to go. I’m in._ **

****

**_Send me your address and I’ll be there around two._ **

 

 

He sent me his address and Octavia was giggling at the whole thing. When we finally pulled into my driveway, I gave her a quick hug and hurried inside.

After a long, indulgent shower, I stood in my closet pondering what to wear. I had never been on a date with anyone, so naturally I was nervous. I decided to wear a black tight fitting jacket over a grey shirt, and a black and white striped skirt, for it was a warm day. On my feet were black Dr. Marten’s that I didn’t wear often. I guess you could say I was trying out this new style that Octavia had helped me establish last night. I once again left my hair natural, and did some minimal eyeliner for my makeup. I took a photo in my full length mirror, sending it to her because I knew she would want to see it.

I spent the rest of my time actually working on a homework assignment, and at one-thirty, I was heading downstairs, I ran into my mom in the kitchen.

“Clarke! I didn’t even hear you come in. How was the party?”

“It was pretty fun. I met some of Octavia’s friends, they’re pretty cool.”

“That’s great! And did you have a good time at her house? Was Bellamy there?”

“All we did last night was sleep. And yes, mom, he lives there.” I rolled my eyes as I walked over to grab a water bottle from the fridge.

“I know, I was just wondering if the two of you talked or anything.”

“He made coffee, and we talked for a few minutes but that’s all.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Yeah, so I’m going out to lunch with someone from the party.”

“You are? Is it a date?”

“Well…maybe. Yeah, I think so.” I couldn’t help the silly grin that spread across my face. My mom’s face lit up as well, and she ran over excitedly, wrapping me in a too tight embrace. I didn’t mind, though. I hugged her back, sharing the excitement. We stayed this way for a few more moments, before I pulled away. “Where’s Dad? I wanted to say bye.”

“Oh, he got called in to work early. And since you’re leaving, I think I’m gonna go get some overtime in.”

My dad, Jake Griffin, was the chief engineer at our local energy factory, and he usually worked a lot of hours. My mom was Dr. Abby Griffin, the best doctor at our local hospital. I was heading in the same direction, having shadowed her at work often, and being allowed to sit in on several surgeries. They both made the big bucks, which is why we’re so rich. Though we had so much material-wise, we weren’t as happy as we seemed. My parents used to be the picture of love, and my goals for a marriage. But in the past few years, things had changed. I never knew why, but they were always having arguments about the smallest things, and the air was always thick with tension between them. That is, unless we were with company. I shook away these melancholy thoughts, knowing there was nothing I could do.

“Oh, okay. Well, I hope we both have good days.” I gave her another smile before heading for the door. “And, mom? Can you please forget about me and Bellamy? It’s never gonna happen.”

“Whatever you say.”

I rolled my eyes and shut the door behind me. I texted Finn that I was on my way, and it took me about twenty minutes to get there. He lived in another part of town, that I had rarely been to. It was a little run-down, but charming, nonetheless. I found his house, it was average sized and made of brick. He came out the door when I pulled up, a smile on his face. When he hopped into the passenger seat, I couldn’t help but admire him. He was seriously gorgeous.

“Hey, Princess,” he began, and I flinched at the word. “You don’t like being called Princess, do you Princess?” He grinned suddenly, and winked.

“It’s just, someone used to call me that and I don’t like them much anymore.”

“Alright, well I won’t call you that if you don’t want me to.”

“Yeah, I would rather you didn’t.” I nodded as I pulled out of his driveway.

“Okay,” he coughed. “So, Clarke, where are you taking me?”

“Well, there’s this amazing diner by the beach, they have the best shrimp. They basically can cook it every possible way, and have every possible shrimp dish you can think of.”

“Wow, well I hope it lives up to that. When we finish eating, are you going to take me on a romantic stroll on the beach?”

“I’m not really into the whole romance thing, but I can humor you if you’d like.”

“I would like that.” He said softly, and I felt my cheeks flush.

We ate as much as we could handle and when we were finished, we did in fact head for the beach. We removed our shoes and walked along the shore, where the water could barely reach our feet.

“So, where did you live before here?” I asked as I watched the way the wind blew his hair back, and the sun made his skin shine.

“A town in Georgia, you’ve probably never heard of it.” He shrugged away the question, taking my hand instead. I allowed him to twine his fingers with mine, not disliking it one bit.

“And you didn’t have a girlfriend, in this town that I’ve never heard of?” I bit my lip in anticipation of his answer.

“I did date a girl for a very long time. We’ve known each other since we were kids. But, being so far away from each other was too hard. We’re over.”

“Oh, I’m sorry that happened.”

“You are?” He stopped, looking down at me with confusion.

“Well, no. I suppose I’m not,” I couldn’t help my smile, and he returned it. He started to lean down, and I stood tall on my toes and let him kiss me. I kissed him back, dropping my shoes to wrap my arms around his neck, tangling one hand into his messy hair. His hands went to my back, pulling me closer into his sweet embrace. When our lips had been entangled for many moments, I had to pull away for a breath of air, but before I could get a full inhalation, he was pulling my lips back to his.

His kiss became urgent, and needing, and I admit, it scared me. But I ignored that feeling and let my body take over for me. His hands were roaming more freely now, and his tongue swept over my lips until I opened them to him. I dug my fingers into his hair so tightly so he would never stop this wonderful thing, and I thought he might obey this silent wish of mine.

When he finally did pulled away, we were both breathless and flushed. I untangled my fingers from his hair, and his hands moved to cup my face. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from his that were searching, for what I wasn’t sure, but I hoped he had found what he was looking for in me, because I felt myself falling down, down, down, and I wasn’t sure if I could ever come back up from this new place he had brought me to, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to.

“You, are beautiful, and an amazing kisser,” he finally spoke when he had caught his breath. I refrained from telling him it was my first kiss. Better to keep that to myself. I felt myself slowly burying my past, with him as my motivation.

“So are you.” I smiled knowingly. I forced myself to step back, and his hands dropped to his side, but not before one reached out to hold mine again. I picked up my shoes and we walked once again.

My phone buzzing interrupted our silent peace, and I pulled it from my pocket. Bellamy’s name lit up my screen to my surprise. I answered reluctantly.

“Hello?”

“Clarke? You’re okay?” He sounded breathless.

“Um. Yes. Why?”

“Is Octavia with you?” He demanded.

“No, she left right after she dropped me off this morning. Why, didn’t she come home?”

“No, she didn’t, even though we have plans tonight. I can’t get ahold of her, and none of her friends are with her either.”

“Well, maybe she just didn’t want to hang out with you tonight. I don’t know what you want me to say, Bellamy. She probably just needs some space. She had a rough night yesterday.”

“No, O doesn’t do this kind of stuff. If she wanted to cancel, she would tell me. Can you please try to call her and tell me if she answers?”

“Fine.”

“Thank you so much.”

“I’m only doing this for her. Even though I’m sure she’s fine.”

I hung up and gave Finn a short apology before stepping away and dialing Octavia. She answered me.

“Hey, Clarke.” She seemed to be okay to me.

“Octavia, hey. Bellamy made me call, he said you ditched him tonight and won’t answer his calls. What’s up, is everything okay?”

“I’m fine. I haven’t answered him, because I know how upset he’ll be when he finds out why I ditched him.” She sighed, and I furrowed my eyebrows.

“And why is that?”

“Well, I did what you said. I asked out Lincoln. He said yes, and I’ve been with him all day. He brought me to his house, and we’re playing video games and just hanging out right now.”

“He brought you home on the first date? Wow. Are his parents there?”

“Um, not exactly. Clarke, I gotta go. Call Bellamy, tell him that I’m really sorry, that I’ll make it up to him. Okay?”

Before I could answer, she ended the call. I frowned, but decided to do what she said. Thankfully, I was a good liar and was able to convince Bellamy that she was staying at a friend’s house, someone whose number he didn’t have, and that she was perfectly okay. He accepted this, and thanked me reluctantly.

After we hung up, I laughed at how weird it was that Bellamy even had his little sister’s friend’s numbers anyway. But, then, he was the most overprotective person when it came to his sister. Sometimes he acted like he was her father.

_She must grow tired of that_ , I thought. _But, it would be nice to have someone love you that much._

Finn came over to where I stood, interrupting my thoughts. I told him I was ready to leave, and we walked back to my car in silence, though my mind was the opposite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this wasn't that great. it was hard to find inspiration to write the Finn scenes, considering well, we all know where that's going. but im gonna do that a little differently than most, so stay tuned, and seriously: thanks for reading, it means a lot :)
> 
> p.s. if you cant tell, I do quite enjoy describing outfits haha.
> 
> p.p.s. if you were wondering, this is set in a made up suburb in Virginia, supposedly about forty minutes from the college of William and Mary which was mentioned in the first chapter as the school Bellamy attends.


	3. too busy being yours to fall for somebody new

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> daddy daughter talks + old girlfriends + old friends maids + newish friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a bit short, just wanted to get it over with. I wrote this instead of my English paper, you're welcome. Thanks for all the kudos and the super nice comments they really made me smile you don't even know :')))

I got out of the diner before the first tear left my eye, and more followed that one. I couldn’t believe how naïve I had been. _Stupid, so stupid, Clarke_. I wiped my hand across my face in an attempt to dry them, and drove away in my car, with no destination in mind besides away from here.

 

  
**Earlier that same day**

 

  
It was a Thursday afternoon, and my mind was racing. I ran my hands through tangled hair, frustrated. I was studying for the biggest math exam of the year, a third of my grade in Calculus. I had been doing the same problems over and over, trying to drill it into my head. I couldn’t take it anymore, and jumped up from my desk, racing out of my room. I made it to the kitchen before I slowed. I grabbed a bottle of water and chugged half of it before leaning against the bar.

  
“Clarke, are you okay?” My dad’s voice startled me, and I turned to see him. He was standing there, his clothes dirty, hair sweaty, face looking drained of happiness.

  
“Fine, dad. What about you, you look wrecked.”

  
“Just had a hard day at work.”

  
“I’m sorry about that. I think you need a break. Why don’t you take a vacation? Or at least a day off. You and mom both could, you could go on a date-”

  
“Clarke, I don’t think your mom would consider that.” He said, cutting me off.

  
“Why not?” I asked, my voice cracking.

  
He shrugged, saying nothing.

  
“Dad.” I said, my voice soft as I walked up to him. “I just want you to be happy.”

  
His eyes were smiling, but his mouth wasn’t. He pulled me into a hug, and I wrapped my arms tight around him, not wanting to let go.

  
“Clarke, don’t worry about me and mom. Your happiness is far more important than ours.”

  
“I can’t be happy when you guys aren’t.” My voice was muffled against his chest, I was fighting back the tears.

  
“You are strong, and so caring. I love that about you, but sometimes you have to think of yourself.” He pulled away, and I searched his face, wondering what he meant.

  
“Dad…” I trailed off, and he kissed the top of my head. “I love you.” I whispered.

  
“I love you, too, darling.” He patted my cheek, and walked away. His shoulders were low, and he disappeared into his room. I heard the shower start up, and I sighed.

  
Before I knew what I was doing, I began to dial a now familiar number.

  
“Hello?” Finn’s voice answered.

  
“Hey, are you busy?”

  
“No, in fact, I’m not.”

  
“Good. I need a distraction. Can you help me with that?”

  
“Okay,” I could hear the smile in his voice. “I’ll meet you at the diner. Okay?”

  
“Okay.”

  
I hung up and grabbed my keys from the bowl on the counter. I was out the door in seconds, and on the road. I made it to the diner, my mind a blur. I was there before him, and I got us a table. I was lost in my thoughts, and barely noticed when someone sat down next to me. His hand was on my bare leg, and I put mine over it, smiling at him.

  
“Hi,” I murmured before leaning over and pulling his lips to mine. He was reluctant at first, but was kissing me back in no time. I kept it soft, and slow, considering we were in a public restaurant. When I pulled away, he looked at me, eyes questioning.

  
“What’s wrong, Clarke?”

  
“Nothing. I just needed to see you,” I told a half-lie. I did want to see him, but I wasn’t okay. I couldn’t tell him this, though. It would scare him away, I barely knew him. Since our date on Saturday, we had only talked on the phone a few times. The Clarke that he knew wouldn’t just bare her feelings like that. I shoved them down, and screwed the lid on tight.

  
“Are you sure?”

  
“I’m sure, Finn,” I nodded, a renewed smile on my face that I knew was believable. “Now, talk. Distract me.”

  
“Okay, even though I'm pretty certain that if you need a distraction, you're not okay. But I'll get it out of you eventually…do you want to hear about my day?”

  
“Yes, I would love that.”

  
He flashed me that grin of his that made my heart beat faster. He began talking, about his mom making breakfast this morning, how she burnt their toast as always. We laughed, and I heard about all of his dreadful classes at school, and the antics of his friends at lunch. I only half-listened, mainly just focusing on the sound of his voice. It was the thing keeping me sane at the moment.

  
We ordered food, but hardly touched it.

  
“What about you?” He wondered aloud a bit later, and I bit my lip.

  
“What about me?” I asked with a smug grin, even though I knew what he was asking.

  
“How was your day? I want to hear about it.”

  
“Boring.”

  
“Come on, Clarke.” He kept pushing, and I sighed. I was about to give in, tell him everything, when the door chiming as someone walked in caused me to look up. I saw a girl, with a dark complexion and near black hair pulled up into a pony-tail. For some reason, I realized she was staring right at me. Well, not me. Finn. He followed my gaze and went still. He untangled his hand from mine and stood, suddenly. I couldn’t see his face, but I saw hers. She was smiling.

  
“Raven,” was all he could say. He breathed her name in a way different than mine.

  
“Finn. Your mom told me you would be here.”

  
It was as if I had disappeared, neither of them even second-glancing at me as they moved towards each other. Her arms reached out tentatively and he pulled her into an embrace. I frowned as they held each other so tight, and I refused to believe what my brain was screaming at me.

  
“Why did you come here?” he asked when he finally pulled away. His voice sounded unusually hopeful.

  
“I missed you. I needed to see you.”

  
“You did? Do you mean…” he trailed off, and my heart was pounding as I watched them.

  
“Yes, I want to get back together. I can get a job here, I’m eighteen so I can live alone, I just want to be with you. I love you, Finn. I always will.”

  
She pulled his face to hers and their lips met. I watched, horrified, unable to move. His hands were on her, like they had been on me, but somehow different. He kissed her urgently, and passionately. I could tell just watching that he was in love with this girl.

  
Just when I thought that they were never going to stop, she pulled away, breathless. He finally glanced back at me. His eyes were wide, his mouth forming an apology. I stood before he could, holding up my hands to stop him from giving himself away. I held out my hand to Raven.

  
“Hi, I’m Clarke. You must be Finn’s old girlfriend.” She looked at my outstretched hand cautiously before taking it.

  
“Yes, I’m Raven. Nice to meet you, how do you know Finn?”

  
“We’re just friends, we met last weekend.” I forced myself to give my best smile, and let my hand down. “I’m so happy to meet you, and I can see Finn is happy, too.” I looked at him, and his face was showing a hint of thanks. “I really have to go, though. Maybe I’ll see you guys around sometime.”

  
“Yeah, sure.” Raven nodded, putting her arm around Finn.

  
“Clarke,” Finn started but broke off. “I just, hope your day is better than it has been so far.”

  
“Yeah, thanks for distracting me.” I turned away quickly, and I got out of the diner before the first tear left my eye, and more followed that one. I couldn’t believe how naïve I had been. _Stupid, so stupid, Clarke_. I wiped my hand across my face in an attempt to dry them, and drove away in my car, with no destination in mind besides away from here.

  
I thought about going to Octavia’s, but I really didn’t want to be around anyone right now. And Bellamy would probably be there, and I couldn’t handle him right then. I ended up at the last place I ever thought I would be at a time like this. Before me was a familiar house, I had spent so much time here in the past. But it had been so long, since I had been here, it was strange. I wasn’t even sure why I had brought myself here, but I just put my car in park and leaned my head back against the seat.

  
The home belonged to my former best friend, Wells Jaha. More than a year ago, he had betrayed me in a way I never saw coming. It nearly caused my dad to lose his job.

  
Last April, I overheard a conversation between my parents about how my dad found some kind of mistake in the system, how they were overusing energy or something. Mechanic terms, I didn’t really understand. All I knew was that it was against the law. My dad wanted to go to the bosses, tell them to fix it or he would take it to court. My mom disagreed, because the way he obtained the information was illegal. The next day, I told Wells. I told him everything, I couldn’t help it. I trusted him, he promised he wouldn’t tell his dad, who was the owner of the factory.

  
He lied. My dad went through so much in the next few months, he barely held onto his job in the end. The company was forced to stop what they were doing, and they didn’t fire my dad so he would keep quiet about what they had been doing for years.

  
But my dad hadn’t been the same since, and it put a strain between him and my mom. I told Wells it was his fault, and that I hated him. Ever since, I had avoided him at school. He stopped trying to talk to me after a few months.

  
And now, here I was. I heard my phone going off several times, but I ignored it. I saw someone coming outside, and I almost left. But it was only the housekeeper leaving for the night. I recognized her, she had worked for the Jaha’s for years. When she saw my car, she was startled, but then she realized who it was. She made her way to my window, and I rolled it down.

  
“Why, hello Miss Clarke. I haven’t seen you here in a long time. How are you?”

  
“Hi Martha. I’ve been better.” I admitted, sniffling.

  
“I’m sorry to hear that. Wells is inside, should I get him for you?”

  
I was silent for a few moments, before shaking my head. “No, but thank you. I don’t know what brought me here, but I don’t really want to see him. I should probably leave now before he notices I’m here. Have a good night.”

  
“Okay, you, too. I hope maybe we might see you here soon.”

  
I smiled but didn’t reply, just watched as she got in her car and drove away. I finally checked my phone, seeing multiple texts from Finn, which I ignored. There was a message from Octavia, asking me if I wanted to come hang out. I typed out a reply.

 

  
_**I don’t think I’m up to it tonight. Long story short: Finn’s ex moving here, still in love, getting back together, I’m definitely still single.** _

 

  
Soon after she had read it, she called me. I answered reluctantly, even as I began to drive away.

  
“Clarke, I’m so sorry. This is awful, how can I help?”

  
“You can’t. I’m fine, okay, I just need to be alone.”

  
“I’m going to kick his ass, tomorrow. What a shitty thing for him to do.”

  
“It’s not that shitty. It’s not his fault he’s in love with someone else. It’s my fault for thinking that I could just become this new person, and that I could find someone that easy. I was naïve, I thought he was what I needed to change. But I don’t need a guy, I just need to be myself.”

  
“Okay. Well, maybe this weekend, we can hang out, have a movie marathon or something. Just, let me know, okay?”

  
“Yeah, I’ll let you know.” I sighed, taking the turn that led to my house. “And, Octavia?”

  
“Yeah?”

  
“I’m really glad I know you. I know we have never been all that close, but I think that could change. You’re a good person, and a great friend.”

  
“I think it already is changing, Clarke. I’m glad I know you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if you couldn't tell I tried not to make finn be the horrible cheating bad guy bc I loved him on the show so much, I didn't want him to be hated in my story. Sometimes I go on YouTube and make myself cry by watching tribute vids for him lololol......anyway I promise bellarke is coming soon. I would attempt to get the next chapter up tonight but this website is being dumb soooo yeah.


	4. you alone can make my song take flight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> notes + phone calls + movie night goals + gerard butler & adam garcia slay the sexy charts (irrelevant point but then again not really)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if i missed any mistakes or typos, i tried to make sure it was all fixed. just wanted to say everyone who is reading this story, you freakin' rule. thank you :) xxx

The next day was harder than I anticipated. Octavia had called me in the morning and asked if I wanted to come over tonight.

"No, that's okay. I have a paper due soon, that I should really be working on." I lied. I don't know why I lied, but part of me didn't want to do the whole girls watching movies, crying about boys, stuffing your face with comfort food thing. I didn't want to acknowledge the pain I was feeling, because I figured if I ignored it for long enough, I would get over it. I didn't need some cheesy traditional girls night to make me feel better.

"Okay, well, maybe another time. If you need to talk though, I'm here, okay?"

"Yeah, sure." I nodded even though she couldn't see me. "How are things with Lincoln?" I asked, to be polite.

"Things are...good." I could hear the smile in her voice. "It sucks that he doesn't go to my school. I wish I could see him more."

"That does suck. I'm glad you're happy, though. I want to meet him soon. And by the way, please don't say anything to Finn if you see him. About me, I mean, about what happened."

"But-"

" _Octavia_. Promise me."

"Fine! I won't, I promise. I still don't like what he did."

"I didn't say you had to."

We both sighed and I said goodbye. I stared at my reflection in my bathroom mirror, seeing sad blue eyes looking back at me. I twisted my mouth, knowing I couldn't do anything about them. I told myself it was just another ordinary day, and that I could get through it. But my heart knew there was going to be nothing ordinary about it.

I went through school quieter than usual, though none of my 'friends' noticed. I was only acquainted with these people in order to not sit alone at lunch, and they were acquainted with me because they liked having the second smartest kid in the grade helping them with their work. It was purely a relationship of convenience. I had always known this, but it didn't make it any easier. Somedays I really missed having a best friend to hang out with; I missed trusting someone so much that I could tell them anything. But now I know that trust was just a lie, and that I couldn't have that anymore.

 

***

 

After school, I found my house empty. There was a note from my mom, saying that she and dad were both working through the night. She didn't usually bother to leave notes, I knew the drill well enough by now. But she also wrote that they both wanted to talk to me soon about something important.

My body stiffened when my eyes first went over the words. A feeling of horrified alarm gripped me, and I was certain I knew what they wanted to talk to me about. I could see it now, them sitting me down in the living room, speaking in soft and normal voices. Saying it's not my fault, that they just don't feel the same way about each other anymore. That they're getting a divorce.

I couldn't stand, so I stumbled to sit in the nearest barstool. I laid my head down into my folded arms, fighting back sobs. Even though I had no idea if that's what they really wanted to talk about, I still feared it more than anything else.

I took several deep breaths.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

Suddenly the Finn thing wasn't such a big deal anymore. If my parents divorced, my entire life would change. I didn't know if I could take that. I had to do something, to keep them together. I racked my brain for an hour, trying to think of something. But this wasn't the Parent Trap, and I didn't have a long lost twin. All I could do was beg them not to do this. But I would wait until I knew for sure that that was what was going on. If it wasn't, I was torturing myself for nothing.

With a heavy sigh, I plopped down on the living room couch and turned on Netflix. A good Friends marathon always made me feel better.

"I need a Joey Trivviani in my life," I sighed. "And I need Rachel's closet, Phoebe's, well, um, quirkiness? And Monica's cooking skills, definitely, Ross' brains, and Chandler's humor. Yeah, that'd be nice."

I watched maybe five episodes and was at the end of The One With Ross’ Sandwich, when my phone began buzzing insistently. Because I, Clarke Griffin, do stupid, mindless, imbecilic, nonsensical things sometimes, I answered without checking the name.

“Hello,” I said, not even a question, my voice dry of emotion.

“Clarke, I didn’t actually expect you to answer.” The voice on the other end sounded relieved and out of breath at the same time. I groaned aloud, silently cursing myself.

“Yeah, well I do surprising things sometimes, just like everybody else. You’re pretty good at that, too, aren’t you Finn?”

I could almost see him flinch at that jab. I almost smiled.

“Clarke, I called to say how sorry I am.” He continued when I didn’t reply. “The thing is, I liked you, I really did. But I never really got over Raven. And how was I supposed to know that she would ever move here for me? I just need to know that you’re-“

“Finn.” I cut him off. “I can’t do this right now, okay? I just, I don’t need this. If I ever want to hear you finish that apology, I will call you myself.”

I hung up before he could say anything else. It wasn’t fair. That he got a happy ending, and here I was, my parents on the verge of separation, having no real friends except maybe one, and just plain embarrassed that I let myself get so caught up in this guy. I decided I did need that girls night after all. I dialed Octavia as I went upstairs to change out of my school uniform, I had been too distracted to do it earlier.

Her phone went straight to voicemail. I guessed it was dead at the moment.

“Yo, this is Octavia. Do your thang after the beep. Or text me like a normal person."

I snorted out loud at her message. “Hey, Tavia, I was just hoping that your movie night offer was still standing. I’m on my way to your house. I don’t know if you’ll get this before I get there, but whatever. Bye.”

I pulled on soft black leggings and my favorite thing in my closet, my dad’s old hoodie from his alma mater, Virginia Tech. It was huge on me, because he was a bit of a chunk back then, but I loved wearing it more than I could explain. It made me feel like I was part of him, like he was there snuggling next to me like he used to, even when he was working long hours and I would barely see him for days, he was with me.

On the drive over, I tried the landline at the apartment. No answer, again. I hoped that she was actually there, otherwise this was a wasted trip. When I got to the building, I buzzed up to their place.

“Who is it,” a muffled voice, Bellamy, answered.

“It’s Clarke.”

He didn't reply, but let me up. He was standing in the doorway, arms crossed when I arrived.

“You’re about the last person I expected to see. Just couldn't get enough of me, could you?”

“Don’t flatter yourself. I’m here for Octavia.” I rolled my eyes and pushed past him.

“She’s not here, Princess.” He shrugged as he shut the door. I frowned.

“Are you kidding me?” I scoffed, unbelievable. “She’s the one that invited me over.” I shook my head and threw myself onto the couch.

“And you’re the one who turned her down.” He said, somewhere behind me.

“Yeah, but I figured she would like, wait for me here or something in case I changed my mind. I’m new at this girl friend thing, but that’s gotta be a code somewhere, right?”

“Apparently not. Not everyone has the time to wait on you. I know that’s a new concept for you to understand-“

“Oh, shut up, Bellamy. Can we just, not do this right now? Like, pretend to like each other for the sake of my sanity tonight?” I said, exasperated.

“Fine. I’ll bite. So, O told me about that guy you liked getting back with his girlfriend. I’m guessing that’s the reason you’re here."

"Yeah. Part of it, anyway. Boys suck."

"Not all of them." He moved into my line of sight, and I tried but failed not to meet his gaze.

I shrugged away his comment, watching as he came over and sat a few feet away from me.

"People are confusing sometimes, that's all. Sometimes we don't understand why they make the choices they do, or why they hurt us. But I think everyone has a reason for everything they do. I'm not saying that reason pardons them for whatever they did, but we can't judge someone before we know what their life is like, and what they're going through."

I furrowed my brows, looking away. Knowing he was right.

"When did you get so wise, Bellamy?"

"You just haven't been paying attention." His voice was low and smooth, like silk. I felt like my ears were reaching out and grabbing it, taking in every word and relishing in the sound and the feeling it caused.

"You're probably right. I haven't paid attention to a lot of things." I stared at my chipped nail polish, as if it were the most intriguing thing in the world.

"Well, maybe you should start."

I glanced over at him, his eyes on me still.

"How do I do that? Right now, all I want to do is watch movies with Octavia until we fall asleep. Please tell me she’s gonna be here soon.”

"She's not coming home tonight. She's sleeping over at Roma's."

My heart fell. Of all the nights to leave me alone. So much for being there when I needed her. But then, I wasn't really alone.

"What kind of movies do you like, Bellamy?" I looked at him with hopeful eyes, trying to convey how much I didn't hate him at the moment. He grinned.

"Oh, boy. Are we really doing this?"

"Yes. I’ll pick out two, you pick two," I leapt up to reach the case labeled Romance, while he was holding the case that said Horror. I laughed softly, shaking my head. Of course he would be that type. I went back to digging through my case and came up with my favorite musical and a typical chic-flick. I needed a little happy ending in my life right now. At the same time, he had also pulled out two movies.

"Let's lay them out, and Rock Paper Scissors to see who gets to pick their movie first."

I nodded, setting mine on the coffee table for him to see: The Phantom of The Opera, and Coyote Ugly. He groaned, but I shot him a glare which made him stop. His movie choices were two that I had heard of but never seen: Silence of the Lambs, and I Know What You Did Last Summer.

"Good choices, I haven't seen either of them."

"I figured. Okay, let's do this. Whoever loses makes the popcorn."

"Deal." I brought up my hands to play, and groaned when he won with scissors over my paper. "Ugh, do you like butter on yours?"

"Yes, lots and lots of butter," he grinned evilly. I rushed into the kitchen, finding where they kept the popcorn easily, and putting the first bag in the microwave. As it popped, I pulled out two bowls, and some butter to melt over it. After they were both done, and poured in their separate bowls, and buttered up, I was looking for one last thing.

"Hey, do you guys have any popcorn salt or something?" I call out as I'm standing on my tiptoes, searching through a cabinet full of spices.

"Uh, yeah, let me get it." He came right up behind me and reached for the cabinet next to the one I was looking through. He was standing so close I could smell him, his clean soap and shampoo, and a light hint of cologne. I didn't make to move away though, just let myself breathe it in for the short few moments. When he handed it to me, our fingers touched and I pulled away, feeling awkward. In all honesty, I probably made it more awkward, but whatever.

He didn't leave, just stood there as I took my time pouring it into each of our bowls. When I was satisfied, I picked up mine and walked back into the living room. I heard his footsteps softly behind me.

"So what movie is it first?"

"Silence of the Lambs. I hope you're not too easily freaked out by serial killers and cannibals."

My eyes widened, and I gave him a strange look. What the hell was he making me watch?

"Okay then. Let's watch." He laughed, hitting play and turning out the lights. We both settled onto the couch, and I couldn't help but notice the small amount of distance between us. I mentally shook my head, concentrating on the movie.

I tried not to ask many questions, but some parts were confusing. Like, "Why doesn't this Bill guy take all of their skin instead of just one part?", and "Why would Hannibal want to help her anyway?", and "Omigod, why are they so stupid?!"

"Clarke! Just, just watch the movie, okay?" Bellamy laughed, putting his hand on my knee for emphasis. I nodded, sighing when he took it off. I watched the rest in silence, covering my eyes during the most cringe-worthy parts (Bellamy laughed when I did this), and my jaw dropping at the end.

"Ugh, I can't believe he got away. That's so freaky." I shook my head. "But, I admit it was a pretty good movie. My turn!" I jumped up to switch out the DVDs, putting in The Phantom of the Opera. "Just to warn you, I'm going to be singing every song."

"Seriously?" He groaned, and I laughed.

"Okay, only my favorite ones then." I didn't tell him that nearly all of them were my favorites. He watched, surprisingly he seemed into it. I had kind of chosen it so he would complain, but he didn't. He glared when I sang, but that was all.

"Okay, this phantom dude is seriously creepy. I mean, I kind of feel bad, but really he needs to chill."

"Yeah, I know. What he does isn't right, but he's still my favorite character."

He nods, and continues to watch. I'm on the edge of my seat when my favorite part is coming. When Gerard Butler (the phantom) begins to sing the line, I join him, looking at Bellamy with the most serious face I can manage.

"Past the point of no return, no backward glances. Our games of make-believe are at an end. Past all thought of if or when, no use resisting. Abandon thought, and let the dream descend."

Bellamy was looking at me, too, his eyebrows raised and a smile playing on his lips.

I let Gerard finish the rest of his part, myself being entranced by the seductive song as ever. I also stay silent through Christine's part, knowing that she will soon betray him, but ignoring that as she seems to mean every word she sings. This part always gives me goose bumps, and it didn't fail this time. I joined them again, softer this time, at the end.

"Past the point of no return, the final threshold. The bridge is crossed, so stand and watch it burn! We've passed the point of no return." I sighed, watching bittersweetly as the phantom asks for Christine's love. I frown when she pulls off the mask, and let my heart break for him at her betrayal. Then, of course he goes crazy and makes a chandelier fall, which was a bit melodramatic, I admit.

"Wow, bitch!" Bellamy exclaims. "Who does that? Act like you're in love with someone, and then bam! That's messed up. Even if he is a terrible person, he loves her. She knows that."

"I feel your pain, Bell." I patted him on the knee. I was actually surprised that he felt the same as me about it. As we finished, I refused to let myself cry in front of Bellamy. If I were alone, I certainly would be crying. If I never showed emotions in real life, I made up for it when I watched movies. I looked over at him, his face was solemn.

"I guess it was pretty good." He shrugged. "Depressing though. Weird to find myself rooting for the bad guy."

"I usually have a soft spot for them, if they have a good back story for why they've done what they've done."

My thoughts went back to our conversation earlier about Finn. Maybe I should listen to him, hear his apology. Forgive him, even, for being with me even when he was in love with someone else. But I didn't want to be with him anymore. Not like that. Funny how someone can seem like your saving grace, and then they themselves fall from grace so quickly. Then I thought of how Bellamy said I should start paying attention. I wondered what he meant by that. Pay attention to what? He interrupted my thoughts by getting up to switch movies.

"What's this one called, again?"

"I Know What You Did Last Summer. It's a cliché slasher film, but it's not too cheesy."

"Okay." I yawned, leaning farther down into the couch to get comfortable. I had to admit, I was pretty tired. But I told myself I would stay awake for at least this movie. It wasn't that hard, it was packed with suspense and action. Though my eyes fluttered a few times, I made it through. When the credits rolled, I looked over and saw that Bellamy was out. I laughed at this, and decided to go ahead and watch Coyote Ugly until I myself fell asleep. 

I did try hard to stay awake mainly so I could see Adam Garcia in all his glory, Vi had barely met "Mr. O’Donnell" before my eyes shut completely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter makes me happy bc i love phantom of the opera too much okay if you havent seen it, GO WATCH IT NOW IT SLAYS EVERYTHING. also bellarke is getting cute and i just aflsfsfdhdf cant wait for the rest of this :)))))) oh also, if you guys wanna comment anything you want to happen, or a character(s) you want to see more of, that'd be great and i'll definitely try to get it in here! im out of school tomorrow bc of snow so ill most likely have the next chapter up soon.


	5. loves a game, wanna play?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> who cuddled who + pancakes + all round cuteness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i thought i would get this up sooner but i got busy watching the walking dead w my brother, and tried to get him to watch the 100 but he wouldnt....:/ anyway thanks for the comments and kudos they make me so happy <3

Sometime the next morning, I was beginning to wake up. I was slightly aware of myself curled up next to something, or someone. There was also a voice somewhere else in the room. My ears strained to listen to the excited whispering.

"I'm telling you, I just came in and found them like this! It's finally happened, oh Abby this is so wonderful!" I recognized the voice as Aurora's and I realized she was on the phone with my mom. I squinted one eye open. From what I could tell, there had been some shifting during the night. My legs were folded up next to me, my head was on a shoulder, and there was an arm wrapped tightly around me. Confused for only a moment, I suddenly realized _who_ I was curling into. I opened both eyes and lifted my head. Looking around, I saw that Aurora had left the room. I slowly drew my arms back from around Bellamy's body, and tried without success to remove his.

His eyes startled open, and he blinked, looking as confused as I was. I took the opportunity to pull completely away, standing up shakily. My heart was beating unreasonably fast, and I tried to hide the fact that I was blushing by turning away.

"Good morning, Princess."

"Morning, Blake." I coughed and tried to pass by the couch to head for the kitchen, anywhere besides in front of him, but he grabbed ahold of my arm. His eyes were still hazy, but his smile was wide.

"Sleep well?"

"I slept okay." I lied. I had slept better than I had in a long time, minus the crick in my neck.

"Well, I slept great. Thanks, I had no idea you were such a cuddler." He winked and I groaned.

"Oh yeah, and who's to say that I initiated the cuddling? It very well could've been you." I pointed my finger accusingly, and pulled away from him. He followed me into the kitchen, leaning against the counter as I began to make some coffee. I noticed that the house was silent, his mother no longer talking or making any noise. I motioned him to come towards me, and he obliged with furrowed eyebrows. "I think your mom saw us," I began in a whisper. "She was on the phone with my mom when I woke up. She was saying how she found us and something like 'it finally happened, this is wonderful!', blah blah. They think that we're together." I scowled, rolling my eyes.

He raised his eyebrows at this, and a smile played at his lips. "You know, we could use this to our advantage. Our parents would finally be happy, and quit bugging us."

"Are you saying we should pretend to date to make our parents happy?" I demanded, trying to keep my voice still low. My mouth was gaping at his suggestion. Where did he come up with this thought? He certainly wasn't thinking straight. "You're out of your mind," I shook my head.

"Clarke, seriously. Think about it. How long have our parents wanted us together? How often do they hint at it? For me, it's all the time. It's almost as annoying as you are. I'm sure you feel the same. But if we were to 'date'," he made quotation marks with his fingers, "then they would leave us alone. And it would only need to last maybe a few months, and then we could 'break up' and then our parents would finally drop it!"

"A few _months_? I don't know..." I trailed off, unsure of his excited gleaming eyes.

"Well, decide quickly because I hear my mom coming. She's going to ask about us, you know she is."

He was right, I could hear her opening her bedroom door. My eyes darted from him to the direction she would be coming from. For a fleeting moment, I thought about turning him down. But I realized that it was actually a great plan, and resisting the urge to roll my eyes, I finally nodded. "Okay. Make it look like we're canoodling or something."

"Canoodling?" He asked, bursting out laughing. He moved closer intently, putting his hands on my hips. His eyes were questioning, and I nodded slightly as I joined in the laughter, putting my hand on his arm. Just in time, as I saw his mom enter the room. Her eyes widened and I stopped my laughter and pulled away. Bellamy followed my lead, acting as if we were caught in an embarrassing act.

"Well, good morning. Clarke, I didn't know you were going to be staying over last night." Her eyebrows waggled, and I forced myself to smile innocently.

"Sorry, I should've told you. I came over looking for Octavia, but she wasn't here. So Bellamy and I watched movies, and ended up falling asleep."

"Ah, don't be silly Clarke. You're always welcome here. And yes, I saw you two asleep together when I came in. You both looked, quite comfy." She spoke suggestively, and I tried not to flinch.

"Oh, yeah, I guess we were." I made myself smile up at Bellamy, and he winked even though his mom wasn't looking.

"So, when is O coming back? Have you talked to her this morning?" Bellamy asked his mom, being his usual self, worrying about Octavia.

"I called and we talked for a minute, and she's actually on her way."

"Already?" I scoffed. It was only just past eight. Octavia always slept in. What would motivate her to get up and leave this early?

"Yeah, she said she was coming as soon as she found out you were here."

I nodded, understanding. She had told Octavia that she found us asleep together, and O probably couldn't wait to get here and tease us about it.

"So, what can I make you guys for breakfast? I'm thinking something special."

"Oh? And what's the occasion?" Bellamy asked, looking at me knowingly.

"Nothing specific, really." His mom shrugged and we rolled our eyes together when she turned away.

"Well, I know a heavenly recipe for blueberry chocolate chip pancakes. Aurora, why don't you and Bell go and relax while I make breakfast. I’m not the best cook, but it's the least I could do for you."

Aurora turned and her eyes lit up. "Oh, Clarke, how thoughtful of you. Are you sure?"

"Of course! You've cooked for me plenty of times, I'm just returning the favor." I made a shooing motion with my hands and she let out a laugh as she left the kitchen. Bellamy didn't follow her, so I made a point of trying to push him out, he wouldn't budge.

"I want to help, Princess." He pouted and I sighed. He widened his eyes as if to make a point, and I realized why he wanted to help.

"Okay, but you have to follow all of my directions."

"Okay, Miss Griffin. You sound like a teacher," he laughed and his smile reached his eyes. I swatted him on the arm.

"Shut up and do what I say." He laughed and put his hands up in surrender. "Okay, can you get the flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt out? Just put it on this empty counter."

I patted the countertop closest to me and he went over to the pantry to gather the supplies. I headed to the fridge to bring out the milk, butter, eggs, blueberries, and chocolate chips. I laid it all out at the same time as Bellamy and he stood at mock attention.

"Waiting on my next command, sergeant."

"At ease, soldier. We need vegetable oil as well." He saluted, causing me to giggle genuinely. He brought the bottle of oil to me, and we got to work. I had him mix the dry ingredients while I melted the butter and cracked the eggs in a bowl. I soon regretted putting him anywhere near flour, as he began flicking it at me. I reached over and retaliated, and soon it was an all-out war with flour flying everywhere. I was laughing uncontrollably and tried to run from him when he caught me by the waist from behind and began tickling.

"No! Bellamy!" I screeched in between bouts of giggles that I couldn't help. "I swear! Ahh! Bellamy stop!"

I reached behind to try and tickle him back, and I was successful. He loosened his grip and I was able to wiggle my way out, turning around and getting a better aim at his ticklish spots. The spot that really got him was his stomach, and I could tell he was holding back from swatting out at me. I had him pinned against the counter now, and I didn't want to stop because his giggles were so cute.

"Truce! Truce! Okay? Please, truce!" He shouted out and I reluctantly pulled my hands away, both of us laughing breathlessly. He sighed with relief and looked down at me with a smile, then motioned with his eyes towards the living room. I turned around to see his mother watching us smugly. I had completely forgotten she was there. Bellamy's voice was in my ear, "She totally bought the whole thing, great acting. It actually seemed like you liked me." He pulled back and winked, and I forced myself to smile.

"You too," I murmured and went back to the eggs. He followed my lead and this time actually did what he was meant to do, only flicking flour at me a few times. I only stuck my tongue out as he did this, which only caused him to laugh. We then mixed the milk in with the dry bowl, then the eggs and butter, followed by the blueberries and chocolate chips.

After greasing the pan, I started to cook the pancakes one by one. Bellamy stayed close by, pretending to be intrigued by my cooking, for his mother’s sake. He kept whispering random things to me, and I would play along by giggling and nudging him with my elbow. Apparently we put on a good show, because when Octavia finally got home, Aurora rushed over and pulled her into another room. Bellamy and I looked at each other and rolled our eyes in unison.

"That's going to get old, real fast." I muttered and he shrugged.

I put two pancakes on each plate, and Bellamy got out the syrup, whipped cream, and powdered sugar.

"Food's ready!" I called out and Aurora and Octavia came back into the room, each trying but failing to hide their ever-growing grins.

"Looks delicious, Clarke! Thanks again for this." Aurora smiled as she patted my shoulder, in quite a motherly way.

"Oh, it was nothing really."

"Yeah, I bet you enjoyed yourself a lot. Both of you, actually." Octavia spoke up. I shot her a hard look, which only encouraged her more. "I mean, you're both covered in flour and can't keep your eyes off of each other. Or your hands, so I was told." She winked and burst out laughing.

"Shut up and eat your breakfast," I shoved a plate in front of her. I looked at Bellamy who was only smirking. With a sigh, I doused my pancakes in syrup and whipped cream, taking the seat farthest down the bar from Octavia. It was all a part of my embarrassed act. Octavia didn't apologize though, just kept the complacent look on her face as she began to eat. Aurora sat by Octavia, leaving the seat next to mine the only empty one. Purposely, of course.

Bellamy took the seat, and he and I ate in silence while the other two couldn't stop their chatter.

"I hope you're not too embarrassed," he leaned over and whispered low so only I could hear.

"Nah, it's just a little weird, ya know?" I shrugged. "But it's a brilliant plan, and it's working. I can deal with a little teasing if it means our families are finally happy with us. My parents are going to be ecstatic." I smiled just thinking about it.

"Yeah. You think we can keep it up for another couple months?"

"Sure. We should still argue though, otherwise it won't be believable."

"Of course. I don't think it's possible for me not to argue with you. You're usually wrong." He winked and went back to his pancakes. I couldn't help the slow grin that took over my own face, or the way my heart fluttered when he was this close to me.

 _It's just because he's attractive_ , I told myself.

"So, Clarke, could I talk to you privately please?" Octavia cleared her throat when I was finished eating. My heart sunk and I groaned inside, not wanting to have this conversation.

"Sure," I replied, trying not to seem affected. I could see Bellamy stifle a laugh. I glared at him, but followed Octavia to her room. She shut the door and turned to me, arms crossed.

"So, you and my brother, huh?" She raised her eyebrows, and I shrugged. "Clarke, when were you going to tell me?" She let her hands down and her face looked sad. This shocked me, I had thought we had come in here so she could tease me and tell me how happy it made her.

"I don't know, it just sort of happened. I thought you'd be happy." It was weird saying these things, when they weren't even true.

"I am happy for you guys. I always thought that underneath all that angst and arguing that you two had a thing for each other. I mean, talk about sexual tension." Her eyebrows raised suggestively.

"Octavia, he's your brother. I really don’t feel comfortable talking to you about our so called ‘sexual tension’. And nothing has really happened between us. We just watched movies and fell asleep together, and then made pancakes. I don't even know how much he even feels for me."

"Okay, I forgive you. And trust me, Clarke. He likes you."

"Yeah, I guess.” I shrugged, fingering a strand of hair.

"He does. Which reminds me. Lincoln, you can’t say anything about him to Bell. He doesn’t know, and I need to keep it that way."

"What? Why?"

"He will freak, like he does with every guy who even looks at me. Promise me that no matter how close you and him get, no matter how much you like him, no matter what he says, you won’t tell him." Her gaze was fiercely locked onto mine, and I frowned.

"That better be the only reason. If I find out he’s a druggie, or worse, I can’t keep that promise."

"Clarke, Lincoln is a good guy, trust me. I just need some time. I will tell Bellamy about him, I’m just not ready."

"Okay." I nodded. "Can I go now?"

She nodded and moved away from the door. When I came back into the kitchen, I found Aurora cleaning up our flour mess, and Bellamy scraping the dishes.

"Oh, gosh I'm sorry. I should've thought to help," I grabbed a rag but she only shooed me away.

"Don't you worry about it, Clarke. We've got it handled. You just take care of cleaning yourself up."

"Oh, I think I can wait until I'm home to shower." I said, looking down at my messy clothes, noticing that my hands and face were also covered in flour.

"Actually, I think Bellamy wants to take you somewhere." She turned away smugly and I looked up at him, brows furrowed.

"You do?"

"Well, if you want to." He blushed, shrugging nonchalantly.

"Like, on a date?" I asked, unsure of myself.

"If you want it to be a date."

I heard Octavia coming in behind me, and I knew I had to make this believable.

"Okay, okay, I'll go on a date with you, you can stop your begging!" I threw my hands up in mock surrender and he laughed, swatting at my legs with a towel. I squealed stuck my tongue out and ran out of the kitchen, pleased with myself as I made my way to the shower.

 

***

 

I stood awkwardly on my front porch, trying to figure out how to say goodbye to Bellamy.

"Well, today was fun." I cleared my throat. My hands were shoved into my jean pockets, well, they were technically Octavia's. After I had showered at their place I borrowed some clothes from her, and Bellamy and I went on our "date".

We actually just went to his favorite coffee shop and hung out for hours, just talking, and making up a story of what we did for me to tell Octavia.

After that we went to a park near the beach, and, like little kids we played on the swings and slides. It was actually the most fun I've had in a long time. When Bellamy brought me home in the evening, my parents insisted he stay and eat dinner with us. He did, of course, he was too polite to refuse. After dinner, we played charades.

It was so weird actually getting along with him. Of course, we definitely argued a few times, but in fun. But now, we were both feeling awkward.

"Yeah, I had fun, too. Weird, huh?" He chuckled quietly, kicking his shoe against the ground.

"Very weird." I nodded. "But, did you see how happy my parents were? I haven't seen them like that in a long time. It was nice, no tense dinners, no almost fights like usual..." I trailed off, afraid I had said too much. No one knew about those things, not even the Blake's. His eyes met mine, dark in the moonlight.

"What do you mean?"

"I shouldn't have said that." I sighed, and he put his hand on my arm.

"You can tell me anything, Clarke. I want you to know that. We may not really be dating, and I know we've had our problems in the past, but I'm here for you."

"Bellamy, that means more than you know." I lifted my face to see his better. "The truth is, my family hasn't been happy for a long time. I've been waiting for my parents to sit me down and tell me that they're getting a divorce. Yesterday, my mom left me a note saying that they had to talk to me about something important, soon. I was thinking that that was it."

"That's the other reason why you came over, isn't it?" He looked saddened.

"Yeah. I was so scared. But tonight, they actually got along the way they used to. When I looked at them with each other, I saw love in their eyes. I haven't seen them look at each other like that since, since I don't remember when. And I think them seeing us "together" had something to do with that."

"I had no idea, Clarke. I hope for your sake they stay together."

"Me too. I just want them to be happy. And maybe, tonight was a new beginning. So thank you, for hanging out today, and for being a brilliant fake boyfriend."

I stood on my tiptoes and gave him a peck on the cheek. I backed away, watching a blush creep up onto his cheeks, and feeling my own face flush.

"Anytime, Princess." He smiled and I watched him stroll down my driveway and to his car. With a final wave, he drove off and I went inside, cheeks still warm from the feeling he gave me. I mean, no, my cheeks were warm because I was happy about my parents.

My mother intercepted me before I could head up the stairs. Her face was glowing, and I knew what was coming.

"Go ahead, say it." I tried not to roll my eyes as I crossed my arms and waited.

"Say what?" She asked innocently.

"I know how badly you want to say 'I told you so', so just say it and get it over with."

"Oh, Clarke. I was just going to tell you to sleep well. But, since you're practically admitting that you're in love with Bellamy Blake, I don't really need to say anything, do I?"

"Mom," I groaned, pushing past her and up the steps. "I never said I was in love with anybody! We've been on one date, and I've only just gotten over Finn! You over-exaggerate _everything_ , can't you just let me be happy in peace, without accusations of love?"

My mother laughed gaily and walked away. When I reached the top of the stairs, I peaked over the railing to see her cuddling up next to my father on the couch. This brought happy tears to my eyes, and I couldn't stop smiling as I got ready for bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw, i wasnt at all saying that people who do drugs are bad people, just that they can be bad influences. anyway happy clarke is so cute aw her parents are so cute aw bellamy is so cute. can't wait for part one of the finale to come on tonight! i really hope none of my favs die. which is basically most of them, i love pretty much every character. but if bellamy, clarke, o, jazzy(yes i have weird nicknames ok), monty, raven, maya, kane, abby, lincoln, or murph(yes, murph.) dies, i will die.


	6. you be the anchor that keeps my feet on the ground, ill be the wings that keep your heart in the clouds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> awkward flashbacks + mixed up tears + clarke gets schooled in the business of shipping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cant believe this story has over 1000 hits?! im not sure but i think thats how many people have clicked on my story, and hopefully read it as well, and if so, thats awesome, thanks so much. ahhh hope you guys enjoy this (i also hope it hits you right in the feels bc man) sorry for any mistakes/typos

The next week passed by in a blur. Nothing too exciting happened, besides a few visits over to the Blake's apartment. Bellamy was only home one night though, he was having to write a really important paper so he was staying with his friend so he could have more time. Part of me wondered if it was really to avoid having to act like we were together. The night he was there, we played our parts quite well. We agreed to show a little PDA to be more convincing, so we held hands through dinner and then I cuddled up beside him while we played Octavia's favorite board game, SORRY! Now that was certainly an awkward conversation, though I laughed at it now.

 

_“So, um, with us doing this whole acting thing, we’re gonna have to like, show some PDA.”_

_“Oh,” I nodded, looking down at my feet. Bellamy and I were standing outside the door of his apartment. “Like, how much?”_

_“Nothing major for now. I could hold your hand.” He reached out and took my hand in his, I looked at our entwined fingers, then up at him. “See, now that’s not so bad, is it?” He smiled gently._

_“Yeah, I just hope you don’t have sweaty hands.” I joked, trying to keep things light._

_“If I’m sweating, it’s only because I’m nervous.”_

_“Bellamy Blake, nervous?” I scoffed. I couldn’t imagine it._

_“Believe it or not, Princess. But yes, some things do scare me.”_

_“And am I one of them, or were you referring to your mom and sister?”  
_

_“Little of both.” He grinned at me and opened the door._

That was Wednesday night, and now I was getting ready for school Friday morning. He sent me a text saying he was coming back for the weekend, and asked if I had plans. I told him I would let him know. I laughed to myself, because no, of course I didn't have plans. I took the time to straighten my hair, and couldn't be bothered to put on makeup. I was done with that, the short obsession to change myself had backfired, and I was over it.

Although it still stung that Finn had chosen Raven over me, it wasn't as bad as I had first thought. He had texted me a few times wondering if I would see him in person so he could explain himself better. I told him I needed some time. And I did.

I grabbed my bag from its hook on my wall and headed downstairs. I was greeted by both my mother and father eating breakfast together. In the past week, they had seemed to hit rewind, and were back to how they used to be. I smiled and gave them each a hug, because I was just so amazingly happy about this.

“Good morning, sweetie.” My dad kissed my forehead.

“How did you sleep?” Mom asked.

“I slept well,” I replied as I began buttering some toast.

“Did you and Bellamy get to talk last night?”

“Oh, no he was busy with his paper and I didn't want to bother him. But he just told me that he's gonna be here all weekend, so I'm sure he'll come over or something.”

“Sounds wonderful,” she said, her voice lilting.

I nodded. Bellamy's plan was possibly the greatest thing that had ever happened to me. My parents were happy, Octavia and I were growing even closer, and life was magnificent. Why had we not fake-dated earlier?

“Oh! Clarke, I forgot to tell you, I got a call last night from one of your old friends.” My dad exclaimed.

“Oh, really? Who?” I asked curiously.

“Wells.”

“What?” My mood sunk and I nearly dropped my plate. I swallowed, and tried to hide my disgust. “What did he want?”

“He wanted me to tell you that he really wants to talk to you, and wants to know if you'll meet him for lunch in the courtyard at your old table.”

“And he couldn't just ask me himself?” I scoffed.

“He said he knew you wouldn't answer his call even if he tried. He sounded desperate, Clarke. I think you should at least consider it. Wells was your best friend. It's been over a year, and I still don't even know why you suddenly stopped speaking to him.”

“You don't know because it's between Wells and me.” I said with accidental venom in my voice, and left my plate of toast on the counter, barely touched. Neither of them tried to say anything else as I marched out the door.

My mind was racing, my thoughts screaming that I wouldn’t under any circumstances go see him. Why should I? He didn’t deserve it. _I_ didn’t deserve to have to talk to him. He broke my unequaled trust, and I didn’t want to speak to him.

I drove to school in silence, no radio. Except with my mind going at a hundred miles per hour, it wasn’t exactly quiet.

When I arrived, I was early so I went to the library. I didn’t feel like being around anyone, so I pretended to search for a book. I actually hardly read anymore, and I missed it. I could never focus long enough to finish a book. It was a month into senior year, and I was constantly worrying about my college applications, and my grades had to be kept perfect for me to get into any of the top medical schools in the country, which has almost always been where I knew my life was going. At one point, I seriously considered going to art school. I loved to draw and paint in my free time, but I quickly moved on when I knew that all I wanted to do in life was help people. I especially wanted to help kids, so I thought about being an oncologist, but I decided it would be too depressing. For now, I was aiming to be an emergency room doctor, but that could change, because I had a lot of schooling ahead of me, no matter what kind of doctor I decided to be.

“Clarke?”

I started at the voice, turning to see him standing there.

“Wells.” I breathed, hoping I didn’t show how much I didn’t want to see him.

“Didn’t expect to see you here.” He was coming closer, his hands shoved deep into his uniform khakis. “Thinking of checking out a book?”

“Oh, no. I just wanted to stay away from the crowd this morning.”

“Ahh, I see. Your new friends are quite intimidating, I can understand.”

I raised one eyebrow at his words. “Well, it’s not like I have much choice in the friend department these days.”

“Hmm. Did your dad tell you I called?”

“Yes, and I was just standing here thinking about how I wasn’t going to follow your request.” I turned from him, heading for the library doors.

“Clarke, wait!” he ran after me, grabbing my elbow. I spun around.

“What do you want from me, Wells? Do you want my forgiveness, is that it? Because you aren’t going to get it.”

“No, I just want you to hear me out.”

“Fine, talk. Here I am, listening.” I pulled my arm from his grasp and crossed it with my other over my chest.

“Oh…” he ran his hand over his short hair, looking lost. “Okay. Clarke, Martha told me that you were at my house last week.”

“Yeah? So? I had a hard day, I didn’t mean to come there.”

“So you came there on what, instinct? Look, I know that you miss me. I see you, every day, with those people you hang out with. You’re not happy, ever. And I wish that you would just let me be there for you again. And I think that somewhere, deep down, you want that, too. Otherwise you wouldn’t have shown up at my house when you had a bad day. I’m not asking for forgiveness, I made a choice and I can’t take it back. I know what your family went through, and I’ve never been sorrier about anything in my entire life. As your friend, I will always want nothing more than for you to be happy. So, I just want you to know this: I am still here for you, I will always be here for you, waiting for when you’re ready to talk to someone.”

“You lost the right to be my friend when you ruined my family. Wells, after what you did, something happened between my parents. They have been unhappy ever since, except in the past week. But even if they are happy now, it doesn’t change the fact that for the last year and four months, I have had to watch my parents walk on egg-shells around each other, and argue over everything and nothing, and never look at each other with loving eyes. And it’s because of you.”  
“Clarke…I just don’t understand how I had any part in that. I’m sorry about your parents, but it doesn’t make sense that you blame me for it.” His face grew serious, and his eyes were full of sadness.

“All I know is that it started right after everything happened that April. And that happened because you broke your promise to me. So yes, Wells, I do blame you for it. I always will, I will always see it as your fault, your betrayal, in my mind.”

He aimed his eyes away from mine, looking down at his shoes. I thought I saw a tear glistening, but I could’ve been wrong.

“I’m sorry you blame me, Clarke. I wish I could do something to change your mind, but it’s obvious I can’t.” He turned his gaze back to me. “This is probably the last time we will speak, so, I just want to say that I hope you get everything you want out of life. You deserve the world, and I would’ve given it to you if I could have. I hope that you always remember to smile, and that you find every happiness you can. Never stop fighting for what you want, because with your stubbornness, you will be able to get it. If you ever find it within your heart to forgive me, you know where to find me. Goodbye, Clarke.”

I watched, my mouth agape as he gave me one last nod, and walked away from me, his shoulders hunched. I felt tears welling up in my eyes, and I quickly blinked them away, but one still escaped, rolling slowly down my cheek. I couldn’t pinpoint exactly what I was feeling, it was somewhere between hate and love, relief and longing.

I went through the rest of the day solemnly, wishing the day would end already.

 

***

 

I actually did get to get out early, because on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday’s I had no seventh hour. I was met with a surprise when I went out to my car, finding a crowd of people standing around. As I got closer, I realized that in the middle of them was Octavia, who was surrounded by Monty, Jasper, Miller, Roma, and Harper. I approached cautiously and when O spotted me, she blew into a plastic party horn, and the others did the same.

“What the hell is this?” I asked, utterly confused.

“It’s your birthday!” Octavia exclaimed, pulling me in for a hug.

“Octavia, it’s not my birthday.” I said, muffled into her shoulder. I pulled away, furrowing my eyebrows. “My birthday was a month ago. You know that, you were at the party.”

“I know, but that party was just full of people you don’t even like, and we hardly talked. I thought we could throw you a real one. Come on, it’s all planned out. Bell’s on his way home, he’s gonna meet us at your house.”

“Octavia, I don’t know about this…” I trailed off, looking around at her friends.

“Clarke, seriously, it will be fun.” Miller spoke up.

“Yeah, we may not know you that well, but that doesn’t mean we can’t party together.” This from Monroe. She grinned, and this caused me to grin back.

“Okay. I guess I could use a break from all this.” I gestured around me, at my school. “So what’s the plan?”

“Well, first we have to get you out of that awful uniform.” Octavia scowled and shook her head.

“Hey, it’s not that bad. Kinda makes me feel like I’m on _Gossip Girl_. Now that was a good show,” I sighed. Octavia snorted and pulled me by the arm to my car.

“Miller, follow us back to Clarke’s place,” she called out as the rest of the group piled into what I assumed was Miller’s van.

“So are you going to tell me where we’re going?” I fumbled with my car keys as I asked. I pulled out of my parking space, seeing the van follow behind me.

“Nope.” She grinned smugly.

“Was Bellamy in on this?” I asked, narrowing my eyes.

“Are you kidding? He helped plan it! He’s the one who found out you’d be getting out of school early from your parents. And they also told him that something upset you this morning, so they weren’t sure if you would be in the mood. But, I figured it would be even better.”

“Wow, they’re really good at keeping things from me.”

“Clarke, it’s not that hard to surprise you,” O laughed as she turned up the radio. I glanced at her, the corners of my mouth lifting slightly. “And just to warn you, Bell is most definitely going to drill you about why you were upset. So be ready.”

“Yeah, somehow I don’t think he will.”

“He will. That’s his thing, he worries about the people he cares about. It’s in his nature to want to make them feel better. I’ve lived with him for seventeen years, I would know.”

I didn’t say anything, just kept driving. I didn’t think he would really ask about why I was upset, because we weren’t really together, but I couldn’t tell Octavia that. Anyway, I hoped he wouldn’t ask because I had a feeling I would want to tell him everything, with just one pleading look from those big brown eyes.

At my house, my parents were once again gone to work, but it didn’t bother me this time. I led everyone inside, and left the boys to the kitchen while the girls followed me upstairs. I tried not to notice their bugging eyes and shocked whispers. Octavia offered to help pick out my outfit, but I shook my head.

“I think I’ve got this. Just, tell me if I need comfortable clothes or not.”

“Yeah, you’ll want to be comfy, and especially shoe-wise.” She nodded and sat down on my bed, the others following her lead. I shut myself in my closet and threw off my uniform. After a moment, I decided that I did want to look good, since this whole thing was for me. I slipped into some dark jeggings, which despite being almost skin tight, were very flexible. Next, I clothed my upper half in a black soft V-neck, and a denim shirt over it. I laced up a pair of red and black leopard print Nike sneakers, threw my hair into a ponytail, and burst back into my bedroom.

“I approve,” Harper smiled.

“And I think Bellamy will too.” Monroe raised her eyebrows suggestively, earning a swat from Octavia.

“Yeah, let’s not talk about my brother having the hots for my friend.” Octavia and I groaned simultaneously.

“Yeah, let’s not.” I agreed.

“Well, you might wanna tell that to the guys. Jas and Miller already have a running bet about how long it will take until Bellamy pulls you away to make out somewhere.” I raised my eyebrows, trying not to look too disturbed. “Miller has money on thirty minutes, Jasper says twenty. Monty says that he’ll do it as soon as he sees you, in front of everyone.”

“Wow, I would really appreciate if people wouldn’t bet on my love life. That’s just-weird.” I shook my head.

“No, what’s weird is how they’ve already come up with a ship name. Well, they’re probably still arguing over it, actually.”

“A ship? Since when are we getting a ship?” I threw my hands up in frustration.

“Clarke…” Roma trailed off, looking to the rest and they all burst out laughing.

“What? What did I say? Seriously, someone tell me what’s going on, because I can’t keep up.”

Octavia sobered down enough to put her hand on my arm. “Clarke, babe, a ship name is two people’s names put together. When people “ship” two people, it means they want them to be together, or if they are together it means they support the relationship a lot. It’s usually fictional characters, like in books or shows.”

“What the hell,” I groaned. “Well they shouldn’t “ship” people in real life. It’s creepy! I’m going to go tell them to call off the bet, and stop being freaks about this.”

I marched past the girls and took the steps two at a time.

“No, I’m telling you, Clarmy sounds way better.”

“You’ve got to be joking Miller. Clarmy sounds like a damn STD or something. Bellarke! Right, Monty? It just flows right off the tongue, like sweet, sweet honey.”

“Jasper’s right-“

“Hey!” I stormed into the kitchen, making them all jump. “Here’s an idea, how about we keep our normal names? There is absolutely no reason why real life people should be “shipped” by other people, or given a nickname, and you certainly shouldn’t be betting on us making out in a certain time. Do I make myself clear?”

“Damnit, who told you?” Jasper sighed, shaking his head. “Girls, immature secret spillers.”

“The only immature ones are you guys. Call off the bet, and say nothing ever again about a stupid ship name. Okay?”

“Um, Clarke-“

“Did I stutter?” I demanded, and they all looked down, shaking their heads. “Good. Now that that’s settled, let’s go.” I turned to run smack into a hard chest. I looked up in surprise to see Bellamy smirking down at me.

“Well, hi there.” He put his hands on my arms to steady me, and I opened and closed my mouth, not knowing what to say. “So you really don’t like nicknames, do you?”

“I-it’s creepy, okay? How long have you been here?”

“I came in a few seconds before you stormed down. Aren’t you happy to see me?”

“Thrilled. You’re about the only normal one here.”

“Well, I know I’m glad to see you.” He suddenly pulled me into his chest, his strong arms wrapping around my small body. I stiffened for a moment, before remembering that they were all watching us. I returned the embrace, and we stayed that way for a few long moments, before he pulled away. He looked down at me with one meaningful glance before looking around the room. “Let’s get this party started, shall we?”

Everyone was grinning and let out woops of excitement. Except me, I still had no idea what we were doing. The whole group was rushing out the door, me and Bellamy bringing up the rear. I grabbed his arm and held him back.

“What is it now, Princess?”

“Please, just tell me where we’re going.” I begged, pouting my lip.

“Not a chance. Now, come along for the ride and just enjoy the suspense.”

“I guess I should’ve told you I hate surprises.” I frowned at him, only making him smile wider.

“It wouldn’t have mattered.” He pulled me forward and I allowed him to lead me to the vehicle that he and Octavia shared. Octavia and Harper sat in the back seat, I in the passenger side. The others (those betting, shipping weirdos), thankfully went with Miller.

We took off, to wherever our destination was, and I was sitting so straight in my seat, my body tense. I think they could all sense it.

“Clarke, honey. It’s okay, you can relax.” Octavia leaned forward and patted my shoulder.

“I’m relaxed,” I assured her, unconvincingly. “I’m totally chill. Surprises don’t freak me out whatsoever.”

“Yeah, okay.” Octavia sat back and laughed under her breath.

Suddenly, Bellamy’s hand reached out and grabbed my own, squeezing it reassuringly. I smiled over at him, forgetting all about how I was sad inside over Wells, how I was annoyed that people were “shipping” me and Bellamy when our relationship wasn’t even real, and how I was nervous about wherever we were going, that I wouldn’t like it and would disappoint the rest of them. All I knew was that somehow, I had made a friend in someone who I never thought I could again. I smiled because he was here, and even if we weren’t what everyone thought we were, we were us, and that was good enough for me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> awww writing wells legit made me so sad, i miss his character. hmmmm wonder where theyre going? oh wait i know already lol. THAT EPISODE LAST NIGHT THOUGH. WHAT. my heart is still all over the place from it. wow. friendly reminder that after next week we have to wait like seven months for season 3 #icant #nopenope #whyyyyyy


	7. got your heart in my hands, like a time bomb ticking; we should know better, but we wont let go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1d af + laser guns r fun + 1/2 of bellarke bein a meany + pizza + Shakespeare quotes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait, but I think it was worth it. thanks to the people leaving comments, they are sooo appreciated. think i fixed all the typos, i hate having mistakes so i hope there aren't any lol.

After two hours of having to listen to Bellamy and Octavia sing at the top of their lungs to every song on One Direction’s _Midnight Memories_ album (“It’s Blake tradition! 1D AF!”), getting stuck in miles of traffic, and being direly in need of a restroom, we finally made it. I barely glanced up at the sign on the building in front of me, before rushing in the door to ask for the bathroom. I could hear the others laughing behind me, but I personally didn’t care.

When I came out, they were all grouped around, talking in excited voices. I came over to meet them, and Bellamy reached for my hand. I took it, it felt natural now. Looking around, I saw lots of posters covering the walls.

“So what is this place? I barely saw the sign.”

“I noticed.” His laugh was deep and brought out a smile in me. “It’s called Tactical Adventure Games. It’s like Laser Tag, but real life situations.”

“Oh, okay. I haven’t played laser tag in forever…” I briefly recalled the last time. I was fifteen, and my parents brought me and Wells. I shook the memory out of my head.

“I heard it’s supposed to be way better. Some of my friends from college told me about it, I knew I had to check it out. And I thought you might like it, too.”

I blushed at his words and looked away. It was hard to believe he had actually thought of me, thought all of this out, for me.

“So, I hope there’s a badass in there,” Bellamy nudged me, “because this thing is about to start.”

I laughed, rolling my eyes. “I guess we’ll find out.”

Bellamy went up to the counter and talked to the guy for a moment before handing him his credit card.

“Oh, no, you don’t have to pay for everybody. Here, let me get my card.” I started to dig through my purse when Bellamy stopped me.

“Clarke, this is for you. You are _not_ paying for anything. Got that?” his face turned serious, but I stood my ground.

“Look, I get the whole chivalry thing or whatever, but guys don’t always need to pay. I am a sufficient young adult, I can pay for myself, or at least half of the group.”

“You mean your parents are sufficient in giving you money to spend.” Bellamy said coldly, loud enough for everyone to hear. I flinched. “None of that money is really yours. I earned this money with my own job, so let me spend it.”

I stood, silent as he turned around and paid. My eyes stung, but I refused to even think about crying. I was honestly just pissed. I was staring daggers into the back of his head, and the guy taking his card looked genuinely uncomfortable.

“Clarke, are you okay?” Octavia came up and pulled me back.

“No. Your brother is a jackass, you know that?” I muttered, but not so low that he couldn’t hear. I saw his back muscles tense up as soon as the words left my mouth.

“I know. He didn’t mean it like that, you know that.”

“Yes, he did. He always does.” I rolled my eyes, not able to look at him when he finally turned back to us. The air was thick with tension, everybody’s mood had completely shifted.

Some workers led us and a larger group that would be playing with us into a room where they suited us up with these big laser guns, and went over our “mission”, and how to shoot the guns, and how we were a team and the mission would fail if we didn’t work together. I shut out everything and really paid attention. I was going to show Bellamy Blake how badass I could be, and then I was going to tell him how horribly wrong he is about me and my life.

I hung next to Harper and Octavia, making a point of avoiding him. He seemed unfazed, though, which pissed me off even more. We were taken into a dark room, the entrance to the main room just ahead of us. A deep voice came over the speaker. “Five. Four. Three. Two. One. Go.” We all headed out, into what was set up like a big neighborhood. We were supposed to be FBI agents trying to bust a drug house. We split up, me, Harper and O taking one path. Someone was shooting at us, and I quickly ducked behind a pile of wood, searching for the shooter. I found him soon enough and shot, getting a hit.

“Nice shot, Clarke!”

“Hell yeah!” I high fived Harper, and we moved forward once again.

We could hear the rest of the group shouting, and we made our way in that general direction.

“Miller, get the hell out of my way!”

“Blake, stop trying to be the hero!”

I snorted. They were taking this way too seriously. A few more run ins with some bad guys, and we made it to the drug house. Suddenly we could hear a beeping noise.

“What the hell is that?” Octavia shouted, and we all moved closer, guns at the ready. I scoped out the area, and spotted two guys running out of the back.

“There! They’re running!” I pointed them out and a few people from the other group went after them. I took this as my cue to kick down the door of the house.

“Clarke, seriously?!” Bellamy shouted, following right behind me.

“It’s empty.” I said as I moved further inside. The beeping was definitely coming from in here, though. It got louder as I moved towards one of the rooms. “Oh, it’s a bomb, isn’t it?” I exclaimed, turning toward him with wide eyes.

“I think you’re right. We have to disable it or we’re all dead. In the game, of course.”

I nodded and burst into the room. I couldn’t see anything, it was pitch black. Bellamy apparently had a flashlight and switched it on, illuminating the room. It was obvious this was where they made the drugs. I began searching under things, everywhere, for the bomb. Bellamy was looking through the closet. I was pulling out empty drawers in a dresser when I finally found it.

“Here, I got it!” I picked it up and put it on the ground, crouching down. “Thirty seconds, oh hell I don’t know how to do this!” I screamed in frustration as Bellamy joined me on the floor. He took it in his hands and started punching in codes. My heart was pounding, yelling numbers to try and help him.

Twenty seconds.

Ten seconds.

Five seconds. Oh God.

Four.

Three.

“Bellamy, try 54321!”

Two.

One.

Zero. Nothing happened.

“How did you even know that?” he looked up at me in astonishment.

“I couldn’t think of anything else, and it was all over the posters inside, and the voiceover said it before we started.” I shrugged, my adrenaline still pumping. I stood, running to the door of the house. Everyone was shooting, and I brought up my gun on instinct to join them. It was the last of the bad guys, and within a minute, we had won.

“Yeah, take that, bitches!”

“Wooh! Hell yes, go team Jordan!” Jasper shouted to Monty.

“Team Jordan?! I think we both know we’re team Green!”

“How about Jordeen?” I yelled, running up to them both. “You know, since you like ship names so much.”

“Alright, I can dig it.” Jasper nodded, doing some weird high five thing with Monty, and then fist bumping me. “But we are strictly a bro-tp, nothing more.”

“I have no idea what that means, but okay.” I shook my head, laughing.

“Oh, it’s when-”

“Never said I needed to know.” I stopped him with a lifted hand.

“Fine, but may I say, way to go Team Bellarke! You guys freaking disabled a bomb!”

“Well, it was mostly Clarke.” Bellamy’s voice came from behind me, and he threw an arm over my shoulder. Which I promptly shrugged off. “Whoa, Princess is touchy.”

I stiffly walked away, following everyone to be briefed on our next simulation. We got to play three more, each a different scenario. I strictly stayed away from Bellamy each time, still mad. But I admit, the whole shooting thing did help ease the anger.

When our last mission was over, I walked out, laughing at something Miller was saying. I started to go for the vending machines to get something to drink, when someone grabbed my arm and yanked me away. I tried to pry out of his grip, but failed. He pulled me into a little hallway that led to an employee’s only door.

“Bellamy, let go.” He finally did. I pulled my arm back, rubbing it as though I was in a lot of pain. “What the hell is wrong with you?” I demanded, near shouting.

“No, Clarke, what the hell is wrong with you?” He was too close to me, so I pushed at his chest, hard. “You’re ruining this whole thing by acting like a little whine bag.”

“I’m not the one ruining anything. You’re the asshole who accused me of being a stuck up rich girl sucking off of her parent’s money all the time. You humiliated me in front of all those people, made me look like I was somehow not as good as you.”

“I was only speaking the truth. Sorry if you can’t handle that.” He crossed his arms and glared.

“Oh, and how would you know what the truth was? You don’t know anything about me. You think you do though, and you never hesitate to say it. But you want to know the real truth? This credit card is full of money that I earned over the summer. Along with shadowing my mom at the hospital, I had a real job. I worked every other day at the juice bar in the mall. Sure it wasn’t hard labor, but I still earned the money on my own. I have barely touched this card, because I’ve been saving the money for something special. And thanks to you, I couldn’t even do that.”

His face changed, realizing he was completely wrong. “Clarke, I-”

“Don’t say anything. This whole thing was a terrible idea, we should just end it now.” I shook my head, starting to walk away from him. Before I knew what was happening, he was pulling me back, and I was pushed up against the wall. His hands were gripping my arms, not painfully, but I definitely felt it. I looked into his eyes, trying not to show how fearful I was, of whatever he was about to do. It definitely wasn’t what I expected. Suddenly he was crushing his lips against mine, and my entire body felt the shock of it, freezing. His lips moved against mine roughly, and I reacted soon enough, channeling all my anger into the kiss. I threw my hands around his neck, pulling on his hair, and pulling him closer still. Meanwhile his hands were moved down to my waist, pulling my body against his. His tongue swiped over my lips once and I opened them to him, feeling our breath mingle, and I bit down on his bottom lip, holding it between my teeth for several seconds, earning a sigh of either pleasure or pain from him, but I was pretty sure it was the same thing right now.

Fog filled my brain, and I lost all coherent thought. My hands ran down his back and lifted his shirt, tracing the muscles of his abdomen. I felt him tense up at my touch, and his own hands touched the skin at my waist. His lips were gone from mine suddenly, and I was sad for a fleeting moment until they found my jawline, and then my neck. I was breathing heavily as they explored my skin, and pulling him back up when I couldn’t take it any longer. Our lips met once again, moving against each other with a need, a thirst that lasted for another long minute. As things between us were beginning to slow, I cupped his face with my hands. He pulled away, pressing his mouth to mine one last time before we both opened our eyes. That may as well have been my first kiss, and I somehow knew that a kiss like that was something that only happened once to someone.

He put some distance between us, his eyebrows raised in a question.

“Well. You're still an ass.” I was blushing now as I peeled myself off the wall.

“I know. I'm so sorry about what I said, Clarke. I swear I will never assume anything about you again. Do you forgive me?” He looked down at me with a hopeful smile, but his eyes were still on fire with passion. I nodded, trying not to notice this, or his still heavy breathing. “Good, because we have an audience.”

I looked to my left, and sure enough, I saw our entire group standing there, wide-eyed and open-mouthed. I felt my face flush even redder, and Bellamy chuckled, taking my hand hesitantly. We walked over to them, and now that the angry tension had lifted, a new awkward one had replaced it.

“Now that is something I will _never_ unsee.” Octavia shuddered, shaking her head.

“Tell me about it. I wanted to gouge my eyes out,” Miller said in agreement.

“Hey, you were the one betting on it. You asked, we delivered.” I shrugged, and Bellamy and I laughed.

“Yeah, whatever. Let's just go, I'm starving.” Miller headed for the door, and we all followed.

I tried to act like everything was normal, like I didn't just make out with Bellamy Blake, and that it wasn't awkward at all holding his hand, pretending he was my boyfriend. I heard Jasper whispering something to Monty behind us.

“Mon, they are so my new otp. It's gonna be great, I can feel it,” he was saying and I rolled my eyes.

“Jasper, we do have ears.” Bellamy said in his deep, throaty voice that made my skin tingle.

Monty chuckled and Jasper shut up.

Bellamy opened the passenger door for me and I shut myself in. It took a moment for me to realize that everyone else was piling into Miller's van.

“You've got to be kidding me,” I groaned. Bellamy hopped in on his side, having noticed the same thing.

“I guess they were afraid we might pull over to make out again,” he smirked and I glared at him. His smile fell. “What? Are you still mad?”

“No,” I sighed. “Not at what you said, anyway. I'm mad because you kissed me. In front of all of them.”

“I could be mistaken, but I’m pretty sure you kissed me back. In fact, your hands were all over me.”

“So I got caught up, so did you. That's not surprising, our hormones were all over the place. But that was never part of the deal. You never said we would have to do that.”

“Well it was never part of the deal for you to try and back out after a week. I had to do something. And, I didn't know they were all watching.”

“I only did that because you-wait. You didn't know?” My head swiveled over to look at him, confusion clear on my face.

“No.” He looked down at his hands on the steering wheel. “I only saw them once it was over.”

My mind was racing. So if he didn't know they were watching, why would he kiss me like that? That meant that it was real, that he wasn't doing it to keep up the ruse. Unless he was just really good at persuading people by kissing them, very thoroughly, might I add. I shook my head, getting rid of these thoughts for now.

“We should go, I'm hungry.”

“Right.” He cleared his throat and started the car. We pulled out, and headed wherever it was we were eating. I leaned my head back, closing my eyes, focusing on just breathing in and out.

“So, where exactly are we going?”

“Well, I heard from a little bird what your favorite restaurant here was.”

I perked one eye open. We were in Williamsburg. Almost every time we come here, we eat at the same place.

“We're going to Sal's?” I asked, trying not to sound too excited. But it had been a few months since we had come, and I missed Sal's amazing Italian food so much.

“The one and only.” I could hear the smile in his voice.

“This just keeps getting better.” I grinned.

When we got to the restaurant, we were seated quickly. I sat between Bellamy and Octavia, giggling and stating that I was in a Blake Sandwich. No one else found it very funny.

Throughout our time there, much teasing occurred at my and Bellamy’s expense, and I tried my best to take it all like a good sport. Midway through the meal, Octavia’s phone started ringing. Curiously, I looked over and saw the name ‘Lincoln’ flash across the screen. Octavia quickly excused herself and went to the bathroom to take the call.

“Who was so important that she had to answer in the middle of dinner? I taught her better than that.” Bellamy shook his head. I shrugged, and no one said anything, knowing that Lincoln was a secret. Everybody except one, apparently.

“Oh, it’s probably just her new boyfriend.” Miller said with a laugh and a shake of his head.

“Her _what_?” Bellamy demanded, putting his fork down. “Octavia has a boyfriend and didn’t tell me?”

“Bellamy, calm down, he was just-” I put my hand on his arm, and he cut me off.

“No, I will not calm down. Every guy Octavia ever gets with is a douche bag just looking to get in her pants. And then she ends up with a broken heart, and I can’t fix a broken heart.” He scooted his chair back with a screech of protest from the floor.

“Hey, you can’t go into the girls bathroom. Just leave her alone, Miller was just joking anyway, right Miller?”

“Yeah, man, I was just joking. Octavia doesn’t have a new man, if she did, I’m sure she would tell you.” Miller said, and everyone around the table nodded vigorously.

“Are you sure?” He asked, frowning.

“We’re sure,” Jasper spoke up.

“Okay. Just, don’t ever say something like that again, got it Miller?”

“Got it.” Miller nodded and we all breathed a sigh of relief when Bellamy moved back to the table and resumed eating.

When Octavia got back, she said that her mom had called, asking if she wanted some kind of decoration for her room. We exchanged a knowing look, and I sent her a text that her secret was safe. For now, at least.

When we were paying, I made a point of pulling out my credit card and telling the waitress that half of the cost was on me. Bellamy said nothing, just gave my hand an apologetic squeeze.

On the ride home, it was just me, Octavia, and Bellamy in the car. I curled up in my seat and fell asleep within minutes. Though slightly uncomfortable, I slept the entire way, until I was rudely awakened by the door I was leaning against suddenly opening, and as I had neglected to put on my seat belt, nothing was holding me back.

“What the-” I exclaim as I nearly fall face first onto the ground. I am pulled up by someone's arms, and look up to see Octavia throwing her head back with laughter, holding up my stumbling self. Then I see Bellamy, his face slightly amused. I narrow my eyes at him.

“Sorry, Princess, she wanted to wake you up with a jolt. I had nothing to do with it.” He held up his hands, still smirking.

“Oh, I'm so sure,” I rolled my eyes, pulling myself from Octavia's grasp. “A simple shake of my arm and a ‘Wake up, Clarke' would've sufficed.”

“Oh, quit your grumbling. You're lucky we let you sleep that long, you missed some riveting conversations.” Octavia's eyes flickered between Bellamy and I, and I shook my head.

“Somehow I think I'm better off not knowing what was talked about.”

I looked away from them to see that we were at my house.

“Well, thanks so much you guys for today. It was much needed, more than you know.” I smiled at the two of them, and suddenly Octavia was hugging me tightly.

“Oof.” I stiffened in surprise before wrapping my arms around her. I was smiling when I looked over her shoulder to see Bellamy. He was looking on at us with a serene expression, the corners of his lips lifting to mirror my own smile. “Okay, I do need to breathe.”

She pulled away reluctantly.

“I'm glad you enjoyed it, Clarke.” Octavia put her hand on my shoulder, then leaned forward and at first I thought she was hugging me again but her voice was in my ear. “But you should know, none of this was really me. It was all Bell. I know he's a real jerk sometimes, but, he really cares about you. It's a fast change, and I don't really understand it, but you guys are good. Don't let this thing go just because of a stupid argument.”

Octavia pulled away and opened the door, jumping in to leave me alone with Bellamy. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion, and I'm sure my face showed confusion of my own. Regardless, I moved forward to walk with him up my driveway. His arm went around my waist, and I leaned into him.

“What was that about?” He asked, referring to Octavia's whispering.

“Um, nothing, really.” I said, clearing my throat.

“I don't believe that, but I'll let it go.”

We were at my door now, and I made to say goodbye, but his finger was on my lips. I winced, waiting for him to say something that I didn't want to hear. Something like, “You were right, we should end this thing” or even, “Clarke I never want this to end”. I didn't know why, but both concepts terrified me.

“I know I probably don't deserve to know, but I have to ask. What happened this morning?”

“What?” I blanked.

“I called your mom this morning to talk about the plan, and she said that something upset you a lot. That you might not want to do any of this.”

Oh. Not what I was expecting.

“Uh, it was nothing. She exaggerated, trust me.” I couldn't meet his eyes, instead focusing on somewhere around his lips. The lips that were on mine hours ago, but I could still feel them.

“I don't believe that either.” His voice was insisting, and I knew that he was already under my skin. Just the thought of him worrying about me, about my feelings, made my heart beat a little faster. In that fleeting moment, I knew that whatever I had gotten myself into with him was going to be the death of me. I opened my mouth, and the words spilled out, just like that. He didn't even have to try to get me to tell him, I was more than willing. That scared me more than anything. Never before in my life had someone been able to see through me the way he could.

I told him about Wells, everything I told him about my dad, and what he did, about my dad almost losing his job (and consequently life as my family knew it), about my parents' growing distance from each other, about how much it scared me, about how in the past week things had been better than they had in a long time, about Wells talking to me today and how I wasn't sure how I felt about him anymore, and then I told him how happy he had made me today, even if he nearly screwed it up.

When I finished, we both stood there in silence. The only sound was our breathing, and I wasn't thinking about going inside, or about Octavia’s eyes most likely on us from the car. I was only thinking about how Bellamy's hand was touching my cheek gently, then tilting my head up by my chin. I met his eyes, and knew mine were wet with the threat of tears.

“Thank you for opening up like that. I mean, me and O knew some of the stuff about your dad's job, but mom didn't tell us everything. I don't know what advice to give you about Wells, I don't even know the guy or why he did what he did. But you should try talking to him, tell him what you told me. ‘Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak knits up the o'er wrought heart and bids it break.’”

I blinked. “You're quoting Shakespeare? God, could you _be_ any more perfect?”

“I could try,” he laughed softly. We had gradually moved even closer towards each other, and on an impulse, I leaned forward until my lips were pressed against his. There was no anger, no urgency, just slow, sweet kisses. Our hands were intertwined at our sides, and I was content to kiss him like this for the rest of my days. Until I remembered that he and I weren’t actually _he and I,_ and that this wasn’t forever.

I pulled away, causing Bellamy’s face to frown. But it didn’t last long, in a second he was smiling a crooked smile, making my heart flutter.

“What was that for, Princess?”

“We had an audience,” I shrugged nonchalantly, nodding towards the car in the driveway.

“Oh, right.” His face fell for a moment, but he hid it quickly. “Goodnight, Clarke.”

I pretended not to notice the coldness in his voice when he said my name, instead of Princess.

“Goodnight, Bellamy.” He released my hands and I went inside without a glance back, my heart heavy with the weight of a lie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first of all lol I totes made up the whole fbi scenario thingy bc that place is real but i couldn't find what kind of scenarios they had on their website, so that was all me, so i know its kinda dumb lol. second of all i just um wow that kiss was intense, yeah? i love angry otps who stop fighting by making out. i think its safe to say you can look forward to more of that in this story haha. also gahhh Clarke why you gotta lie like that girl?? you know you kissed him bc he's a cute ass mofo. lol ok that's all, i tend to write really long notes that probably no one reads. :)


	8. you bite your friends like chocolate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> stars/freckles + the talk + lies uncovered + reunions + awkward encounters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG im sooooo sorry this took so long, and tbh its not that great, youd think that having two weeks i wouldve whipped up something better than this but writers block is a big fat turd that haunts me every now and then and i just ugh im sorry. im too tired to even try to catch my typos, so i apologize in advance if there are any.

The sound of the pencil moving across the page was strangely comforting. I was seated on the floor of my room, leaning against the wall. Currently pouring out of my radio speakers was The 1975. I hardly ever knew what they were saying, but there was something about their music that made me want to draw. I usually turned them on when I was sketching, and at the moment, inspiration had struck.

I was drawing a constellation on the page, a constellation I supposed I had made up. I could just see it in my mind, no idea where it had come from. When it was all there, I just blinked. A random map of stars, spread across the blankness.

I began to draw something around it, the faint shape of a face, and then eyes, a nose, a mouth. The stars weren’t even stars, they were freckles. The same freckles that lay sprinkled over Bellamy’s nose and under his eyes. I laughed softly at myself, in disbelief. I filled out the rest of his face, spending what didn’t feel like a long time on trying to perfect every single feature. The permanent slightly upturned corner of his mouth, the curl of his hair hanging just above his eyes, the dimple in his chin, the sharpness of his jawline. A loud knock on my door brought me out of my trance. I realized my music had turned off a long time ago, the album having played out.

I shoved my sketchbook under my pillow and opened up my door.

“Clarke, you’ve been up here awhile. I was worried.” My mom frowned.

“Oh, sorry, I was just drawing. Did you need something?” I tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear, leaning against the door jamb.

“Your dad and I wanted to talk to you.”

“Oh? What about?” I suddenly recalled the note. I had been so sure I knew what it was about. But surely I was wrong, right? After things had been going so well, I had to be.

“Just, come down with me.” She gave a small smile and motioned for me to follow her. I did, swallowing nervously.

My dad was seated on his favorite chair in the living room, and I sat on the edge of the couch, folding my hands in my lap. My mom leaned onto the arm of dad’s chair, and this calmed my reckless heartbeat.

“So, what’s up?”

“Well, as you’ve probably guessed, this is the conversation we meant to have with you last week. But we got so caught up with you and Bellamy, so we put it off. But anyway, it’s nothing you need to be worried about. Well, Jake, do you want to tell her or should I?” My mom was grinning now, and dad took her hand, squeezing it.

“Go ahead, tell her.” He nodded.

“Okay. Clarke, I’ve been making some calls. About your future. And I know that you’ve had John Hopkins in mind as a first choice college. But, I think that you should definitely consider Harvard as well. Especially, because you know I’m good friends with the Dean of Admissions, and he said that he believes you have a very good chance of getting early acceptance, if you attend their two week session in November for future medical students. Your spot is practically reserved for the session, all we have to do is send in your application. They have to have it a week from Monday. What do you think?”

I only stared, my mouth opening and closing, not knowing what to say. Early acceptance to Harvard? Me?

“Mom, I don’t know what to say, I…this is an amazing opportunity. Wow.”

My mom and dad’s grins reached their eyes. My dad looked like he was tearing up. But all I could think about my mom saying that I was in because she had friends in high places.

“Clarke, sweetie, I’m so proud of you.”

“Thanks, Dad.” I laughed. “I need to think about this though. If I commit to going to this session, John Hopkins might look for other students who are fully committed to them.”

My mother’s face fell for a moment, but she masked it quickly.

“Of course. I completely understand. Just, promise me you’ll think about it.”

“I promise.” I gave them the best smile I could manage. “You know, I really thought that note was about something else entirely.” I chuckled.

“Yeah? What did you think it was about?”

“Um, nothing. It’s stupid.” I shook my head, standing abruptly.

“Okay. Wait, don’t go yet. We were wondering, if you wanted to talk about Wells. Did you see him yesterday?”

My parent’s faces now both shared trying but failing not to look worried expressions.

“Oh. That. I did, talk to him actually.” I wrung my hands together, looking down at the floor. “I wasn’t going to, but he found me in the library, and, yeah.”

“And? Is all forgiven?” My dad’s eyes were hopeful. If only he knew.

“No. At least, not for now. I don’t know.” I shrugged. “I have to go.”

I quickly made my way back upstairs, shutting myself into my room. To my dismay, I was followed not even two minutes later.

“Clarke, can I please come in?”  
My mother’s voice.

“I’d really rather you didn’t-” I said but she opened the door anyway.

“Listen, I need to know what happened to make you hate Wells so much. You guys have been inseparable your whole lives. I just don’t understand. Please, I need you to tell me the truth.”

I ran a hand through my hair frustatedly, perching on the edge of my bed. My mom followed suit.

“Okay,” I sighed. I couldn't meet my mother’s eyes, so I looked instead at my folded hands. “The truth is, I'm the reason that Dad almost lost his job. I overheard everything between you and Dad and I stupidly told Wells. I thought I could trust him not to go running to tell his dad. But, he did. And then all of that happened, and I hated him for it. For all of what Dad went through, and how you two haven't been the same since. Until Bellamy and I started dating, I was sure you were going to get a divorce. I was so scared, Mom. But I guess you seeing Bellamy and I so happy, made you happy, too. And I guess maybe I could forgive Wells, since I know everything will be okay, now. But I just don't know how I could ever trust him again.”  
When I finished, I looked up to see tears running down my mom’s face.   
“I was afraid that's what you might say.”  
“Mom, why are you crying? I'm so sorry, I know I never should've told Wells, I'm sorry. It was all my fault, and I hate myself for it more than I hate Wells. Please, forgive me.”  
I reached over and placed my hand over hers.   
“Oh, Clarke. I don't need to forgive you.” She said through sniffling, and touched her hand to my cheek. “I'm so sorry-I should've told you. You've been hating for so long, for no reason.”  
“What are you talking about?” I searched her face in confusion.   
“It wasn't Wells who told Thelonius about your father. Wells didn't betray you. It was me.”

I furrowed my eyebrows, letting her words sink in. I had cut off my best friend in the world, for something he didn’t do. And he let me. He let me hate him. I stood, turning away from my mother. I ran my hands over my face and through my hair, pulling it into my fists.

“Clarke-”

“No. Please-don’t say anything. I need, some time. No, I need to go. I need to find Wells, apologize for treating him like shit when you were the one who deserved it.” My voice had never been so cold, and I slammed my bedroom door, leaving her in there.

Taking the steps two at a time, I was out the door and in my car and driving away in seconds.

I drove all the way to the Jaha’s with my radio turned all the way up. A million thoughts were running in my mind, but the most prevalent one was _I have to tell Wells how sorry I am_. I took a series of deep breaths as I walked up the driveway, and as I stood on the porch. Finally, I rang the doorbell. After a few moments, Martha answered the door. Her face lit up for a moment until she saw my face, which probably screamed heartbreak.

“I’ll get him.” She nodded and hurried away.

I waited another minute before the door opened again, and there stood Wells. His tall frame seemed even taller than usual, and his eyebrows were furrowed.

“Clarke? You’re…here.”

“Wells, I am so, sorry.” My voice was breaking, while my eyes watered with tears.

“Sorry for w-oh.” I cut him off by throwing my arms around his neck, burying my face in his chest. His arms went around me in a second, and I fought back sobs.

“My mom told me truth. Finally. Wells, I can’t believe you let me believe it was you. You let me hate you.” I spoke into his shirt, my words slightly muffled, but he heard me.

“I would rather you hate me than your mother. I knew how it would make you feel. I’m so sorry.”

I pulled back, looking into his deep brown eyes.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m the one who came to apologize. I was so horrible, I can’t even express how sorry I am. You were-you are-my best friend, and I didn’t even give you a chance. I should’ve known you would never do that to me. But I didn’t want to believe my mom could do it, either. You were the easiest choice to hate. Wells,” a single tear slid down my cheek, “how can you ever forgive me?”

“Clarke, that’s already done.”

His lips were lifting in a sort of sad smile, and a small laugh escaped my lips before he wrapped me in another hug. I felt something shift in my heart, a door opening after being locked shut for so long now. Wells had been my constant for as long as I could remember. We learned to walk, talk, play, and drive together. And living without him all this time had hurt me more than I had let myself realize. Hell, I was so desperate for _something_ to be good in my life that I was in a fake relationship in hopes of pleasing my parents.

“I missed you so much.” I mumbled, and he squeezed me in reply.

“Not as much as I’ve missed you.”

“I beg to differ. I have so much to tell you.”

He reluctantly let me pull away, but his arm stayed around my shoulder as we went inside and up the still familiar stairs to his room.

He opened the door, and I smiled seeing that it had hardly changed. He had one wall that was covered with photos, which started from the beginning of his life to the present. I was in most of them, but there were some new additions since we stopped speaking. I didn’t say anything about this, considering I was the one who made it happen. Instead I flopped onto his bed as though I did this all the time; which, I used to. He was beside me quickly, and we just laid there for a moment in silence, staring at the ceiling.

“So, you said yesterday in the library, that your parents have been unhappy up until this week. What changed? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“Of course I don’t mind. I owe you answers, at the very least. Well, this is a kind of long story. Okay, you remember the Blake family?”

“Sure, yeah. Bellamy, the dick who you always fight with, and Octavia right? And their mom, I can’t remember her name. She was hot, I remember that.”

“Oh, God, Wells. I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear you say that. Anyway, yeah so I don’t know if you remember but my parents and Aurora, their hot mom, they’ve always teased Bellamy and I about how we secretly like each other and that we should date, blah blah blah. And my mom always brings up Bellamy to me for no reason, like she thinks I wonder about his life or whatever. I always knew that our families really wanted us to be together, but I’ve always hated him.”

“Not always,” Wells interrupted. I looked at him pointedly.

“Okay, true. Only for what, four years? It seems like forever. Anyway, I went to this party with Octavia, and I met this guy, and I really liked him and stuff and we went on a date and I thought he was gonna be this amazing boyfriend and my entire life was gonna change, I even tried to change myself. But anyway turns out him and his ex were both still in love and she moved here to be with him, so I totally got cut out of the picture, obviously. So the next night I was feeling pretty upset, so I went over to the Blake’s apartment, expecting to hang out with Octavia. Instead, I found only Bellamy there. We hung out and were pretty civil to each other, and we watched movies and fell asleep on the couch. And while we slept, we may have ended up cuddling a bit. I woke up to hear his mom acting like a little schoolgirl, squealing about how she found us and how it finally happened and some other bs. She left the room and I got up, and told Bellamy that his mom thought we were together.

“So he says that we should use it to our advantage, so that our families would stop bugging us about dating. So we agreed to fake date and call it off in a few months, so we can finally hear the end of it. I mainly agreed because I hoped that it would make my parents happy, and it did. They’ve gone back to pretty much normal in the past week since we’ve been pretend-dating. And until this morning, everything was perfect. Until, my mom told me the truth. I left as soon as she did and came straight here.”

I let out a breath when I finished, and I knew what Wells’ face looked like without even checking. He was staring at me wide-eyed by now, shocked at the thing my life had become.

“Wow. I don’t know what else to say.” He chuckled.

“I know. And the worst part is, I’ve been trying to find it in me to hate her for it, my mom. But, I can’t. She’s my mom, I just can’t. It was so easy for me to hate you, my best friend, but I can’t hate my mom.”

“Well, she did carry you in her womb for nine months and give birth to you. Trust me, I don’t expect to beat that.”

“Yeah, all true.” I laughed. “But why? I don’t understand why she would do that. Why would she want to put her husband’s job in danger, and her marriage at risk? I guess it makes sense now why they’ve been so different. Because Dad knew what she did.”

“I don’t know why she would do it. I think you should hear her out, let her explain.”

I looked over at him, letting out a sigh.

“I guess so. I need some time first. Let’s do something today. We have a lot of time to make up for.”

“Okay, what do you want to do? Do you still like to play chess?”

“I haven’t played in forever. I’m sure I suck now. No, let’s go somewhere. We could get lunch, or coffee.”

“Coffee sounds good.”

 

***

 

“One _I’m-sorry-I-blamed-you-for-my-mother’s-mistake-and-stopped-being-your-friend-for-more-than-a-year_ decaf no whip.” I held out a cup to Wells, and his face lit up with a grin.

“Seriously, Clarke, you can stop saying sorry. I forgive you, okay? Let’s just move on. Just go back to normal.”

“I don’t even know what normal is anymore.” I shook my head as we sat on opposite sides of a booth. “I mean, I have a mom who turned my father in for something that would make him lose his job, and I have a fake boyfriend. Who happens to be extremely vexing yet adorable at times, and also I may have kissed him twice already.”

Wells started at this, looking like he might choke.

“You kissed him? I thought this was a fake relationship?”

“It _is_ , trust me. But, it’s a little more complicated than that. I mean, he kissed me first. It just kind of happened. And I certainly didn’t stop it. Then, I got mad at him for it. And then we didn’t talk about it, and then last night when he was saying goodnight, well, I kissed him. And I told him it was because I knew his sister was watching, that it was just to keep up the act.”

“And was it?” He raised his eyebrows, and I looked down at my drink, feeling strange. Wells and I never talked about guys. Or girls in his case. Neither of us had ever been interested in anyone.

“That’s the thing, I don’t even know. I know that it felt really good to kiss him, he’s a good kisser. And he’s really attractive, so that’s a plus. But there was this part of me that never wanted to stop kissing him. And then the smart part realized that I wasn’t supposed to feel like that, and I stopped. And now, looking back, I keep wondering if he felt that too. Or if I’m just being stupid.”

I took a long drink, relishing in the way the caffeine made me feel.

“Well, I don’t know much about these things. But, maybe you actually like him. And maybe he likes you.”

“No.” I shook my head vigorously. “No, I do not have a crush on Bellamy Blake. Bellamy Blake does not have a-” I stopped when I saw Wells’ eyes go wide at the sight of something. I followed his gaze to see a certain tall, dark haired, freckle faced someone coming straight toward us. He was wearing his signature smirk, and I felt my face get hot.

“Hey, Princess. Fancy seeing you here, at my favorite coffee place.”

“Oh, I must’ve forgot you told me that.”

“I’m sure it slipped your mind, what with everything going on in your life.”

Without asking, he scooted himself onto the empty spot next to me, and threw his arm around my shoulder.

“Hi Clarke’s friend, I’m Bellamy, Clarke’s boyfriend.” He stuck his other hand out to Wells, who stared at it for a moment before shaking it.

“Bellamy, this is Wells. And he knows you’re not my boyfriend.” I shoved his arm away, and he winced.

“Oh. Wait, Wells? You follow advice quick, Princess.”

I only shrugged and took another sip of coffee.

“What advice?” Wells spoke up, looking between us.

“I told her last night that she should talk to you. I guess she thinks I’m pretty smart or something.” He winked at me and I rolled my eyes.

“It’s a little more complicated than that.” I muttered.

“Okay,” he drug out the word. Wells cleared his throat. I took a drink.

“This is officially the most awkward encounter I’ve had all week. My reinstated best friend, my fake boyfriend-” and Finn and Raven. My jaw dropped, seeing them at the counter. Raven was hanging on to Finn’s arm, and he was looking at her with googly eyes. Wells and Bellamy looked around confusedly, wondering what I was looking at. Then Finn glanced back and saw me staring. I looked away immediately, staring at the table.

“Clarke, what is it?” Bellamy asked, his hand on my shoulder.

“That’s Finn and his girlfriend at the counter.”

“Oh shit.” He whispered.

“What? Who’s Finn?” Wells asked, lowering his voice and leaning closer.

“The guy I told you about, his girlfriend moved back, remember that story? Yeah, that’s him. And he saw me. No one look over there, okay? Maybe he’ll get the hint and just leave.”

“If he doesn’t, I’ll kick his ass out.” Bellamy said, his voice gruff.

“No, you won’t.” I shot him a serious look. He rolled his eyes.

“Fine. At least though, I should put my arm around you. I bet it would make him jealous.”

“I don’t want him to be jealous of anything. Besides, he’s in love with Raven.”

I risked a glance towards them, and saw that the worker was handing them their coffee. They both turned around and Raven seemed to look around for a seat, when she spotted me. Her eyes lit up in recognition, and she waved, pulling on Finn’s hand. They were coming over here, and I panicked.

“On second thought,” I looked at Bellamy and he put his arm around me, pulling me close. Wells straightened up, readying himself for the next awkward encounter we were about to receive.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading and remember, comments are always appreciated, they definitely get me more motivated. have a good night you lovely people :) xxx


	9. just like all the seasons never stay the same

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> awkward introductions + bathroom apologies + subway banters + paintings + uncomfortable benches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for such a long wait-AGAIN :( thanks for the lovely people who commented such sweet things on the last chapter, you make my heart smile :) hope you liiiike this, and im sorry that last chapter and this one are like a lot of dialogue, but they resolve a lot of things by talking and i just start writing dialogue and cant stop haha.

“Hey! It's Clarke, right?” Raven’s voice was friendly and excited when they reached our table. Finn was standing stiff beside her, looking apologetic.

“Yeah, good to see you again Raven.” I smiled up at her. “How are you enjoying it here?”

“Oh, well I haven't seen much of the town but so far I love it here. I've already gotten a job at the factory, I'm a mechanic. My position isn't that high yet, but I think that could change.”

“Oh really? My dad is the chief engineer there.”

“Oh, maybe you could put in a good word for me?” Her laugh was silvery. “Anyway, who are your friends?”

“Bellamy Blake, nice to meet you.” Bellamy removed his arm from me to stick out his hand and Raven shook it, giving him an appreciative once over. He held it out next to Finn, who nodded and shook it reluctantly.

“Nice to meet you, I'm Finn.”

Bellamy only smirked in reply and put his arm back in place on my shoulder. Wells followed suit, introducing himself and shaking each of their hands.

“Well, I don't want to bother you guys anymore. We're just gonna go sit now. Nice seeing you Clarke, and nice to meet both of your friends. Maybe we'll be seeing more of each other soon.”

“Yeah, maybe.” I nodded and smiled as they walked away, Finn leading her to a booth on the opposite side of the room.

I sighed with relief, leaning my head back for a moment.

“That wasn't too bad. Though I don't know what you ever saw in that guy.” Wells chuckled.

“He was just something new, and I wanted that. I know that it's stupid, and I'm completely over him, but it still doesn't feel great seeing them together. And she's so clueless, why does she want to be friends so bad anyway?”

“Didn't you hear? She wants you to put in a good word for her at the factory. Good thing I didn't mention my dad's position.”

“Yeah, she would've been begging on her knees.” I grinned, shaking my head. “I need to use the restroom.”

I made Bellamy get up, which he did with an overdramatic sigh, and I glared at him, shoving him playfully before heading towards the ladies room. I did my business and was washing my hands when the door opened and in walked Raven. Her arms were crossed, and she looked at me from where she stood, seeming to study me. I gave her a slight nod as I dried off my hands. She didn't move away from the door.

“Is everything okay?” I asked uncertainly.

“Everything is fine, Clarke. I just thought you should know that. Look, I know about you and Finn, okay? I'm not an idiot. But I'm here now, and it's over.”

“Excuse me, but-”

“No, just hear me out. I'm not surprised that Finn liked you, or was hanging out with you. You seem like a great girl. And I wanted you to know that I'm sorry for how everything went down. Are you okay?”

I was taken aback, and I know my face showed it.

“Am I okay? How are you okay with it? To find out your boyfriend was with someone else? You forgave him that easily?”

“First, we were broken up. He was free to be with other people, so I don't blame him for it. Plus, I know nothing huge ever happened between you, and it lasted for a week. Second, yes I forgave him. Finn is the only person I've ever had. My mom is a drug addict, and I never knew my dad. Finn is my family, and the love of my life. I would forgive him of almost anything, and I know he would do the same. The question is, have you forgiven him?”

“I-I don't know what you mean.”

“C'mon, don't play dumb. I saw how weird you were acting back there. Is it because you still have feelings for him? Or are you just still mad? I saw that guy Bellamy put his arm around you as soon as we started walking towards your table. I don't know why he would do that, unless you were trying to make Finn jealous.”

“No, I don't have feelings for him, trust me. And Bellamy, well it's complicated. He was doing it because he thought I wanted to make Finn jealous, but really I just needed it to feel a little stronger.”

Raven nodded, uncrossing her arms. “Okay. Really, I am sorry about everything. But I think that guy back there likes you a lot, and I think that you should go for it with him. I can see by the way he looks at you, you mean something to him.”

“Bellamy?” I laughed. “If only you knew. But thank you, for the apology. It's accepted, and everything is totally forgiven. And, I'll make sure and tell my dad you're the best mechanic that ever came to this town.”

“Thanks, Clarke.” She grinned and motioned towards the door. “Let's go before they think we've gotten into a cat fight.”

I followed her lead out the door, and laughed when I saw Bellamy and Wells both stand up, looking expectantly over the two of us. She smiled knowingly at me.

“I'll let you get back to your men. I really hope that we can be friends, despite everything.”

“Yeah, me too. I might need a while to where I can be around Finn and not be awkward, though.”

“Sure, just give it time. And what I said about Bellamy, I wasn't lying. He looks like he’s ready to fight someone to defend your honor.” She nodded towards him and I looked, seeing his tall frame, hands in his pockets, his lips in a straight line as he watched us.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say. See you around, Raven.”

She made her way back to Finn, who was watching cautiously. I meandered back to Wells and Bellamy, who were looking at me, waiting for me to say something.

“What are you guys looking at?” I leaned against the table, crossing my arms.

“Um, hello. What did she say to you?” Bellamy raised his hands in question.

“If it was your business, I would tell you.” I cocked an eyebrow.

“Fine, be that way, Princess.” He stuck out his tongue, and I rolled my eyes.

“You get more childish every day.”

“What can I say, it's one of my many charms.” He winked and nudged me on the elbow. I retaliated with a slap to his arm, and he caught my wrist. I tried to use my other hand to free it, but he just grabbed that one too, holding them against his chest. I groaned and struggled in vain to pull them away, but this only made him pull me closer to him.

“Whoa, hold up. Should I leave so you two can be alone?” Wells interrupted, and I started, forgetting he was there. I gave Bellamy the eye and he dropped my hands immediately.

“Jeez, I'm sorry Wells. What a crappy reunion, huh? I can make this one leave.” I pointed my thumb at Bellamy, who scoffed, feigning offense with a hand brought to his chest and a dropped jaw.

“No, no I'm fine. I actually have to go, like now.” He looked at the time on his phone. “I have a meeting with my dad and his friend, this guy he wants me to intern for. Do you want a ride back to my place for your car?”

“Um, I guess I will have to.”

“I could give you a ride later, if you wanted.” Bellamy spoke up.

“Okay, thanks. Good luck at your meeting, Wells. Text me later, okay?” I pulled him into a quick hug.

“I will. You guys have fun. Nice meeting you Bellamy.” He nodded at him, and Bellamy nodded back.

“You too.”

We watched as he left in his car.

“So, I’m not really in the mood for coffee anymore. What now?” Bellamy raised his eyebrows at me.

“I don't know. I don't want to go home, that's for sure.”

“And why's that?” He asked, leading me out the door by the arm. I glanced over at Raven and Finn’s table, neither of them looking our way.

“Turns out my mom’s the one who turned in my dad, not Wells. I don't think I can stand to be around her right now.”

“Oh, man. That is terrible. So that's why you talked to Wells today? Not because I quoted Shakespeare?”

“The Shakespeare helped.” I laughed softly. For once I was grateful for the way he turned everything into a joke. I needed to laugh.

“Good.” He shoved his hands into his pockets, walking alongside me.

The weather was getting warmer as the day went into the afternoon, so I removed my long cardigan, tying it around my waist. I was left in a striped tank top, and I frowned at the fact that my summer tan was beginning to fade.

“So, where’s O today?”

“She wouldn’t tell me. I’m starting to think that Miller wasn’t joking when he said she had a boyfriend.” He looked down at me with a raised eyebrow, and I shrugged innocently.

“Hey, don’t look at me. I know nothing. But I’m pretty sure she would tell me if she had one.” I wasn’t technically lying, she and Lincoln weren’t exactly official yet, though she definitely liked him enough. I couldn’t wait to meet him, to see if he’s as hot as she described.

“Alright, if you say so. So, what do you want to do, since you can’t go home?”

“Hmm. Well, this new art gallery just opened up downtown, and I’ve kind of been dying to go.” I blushed, hoping he wouldn’t think it was lame. Not that I cared what he thought, of course.

“Okay. But if I go to this art gallery with you, you have to go to a museum with me. It could be our next date.” His mouth curved upwards into a half-smirk, half real smile.

“Sure, it’s a deal.” I held out my hand and we shook on it. I ignored the fact that he said date, and didn’t use finger quotes or anything. He probably just forgot.

We left his car parked in front of the café, and took the subway downtown, and there were no empty seats so we were stuck standing, face to face, well, my face to his chest. I gripped the handle tight to try and distract myself from the way he smelled like crisp pine and a fresh shower.

“You look nervous. Princess not accustomed to having to use public transport?”

I glared up at him and his ever-present smirk. Literally, when was he not smirking? I mean, maybe that time yesterday when we had that fight and then we… I mentally shook my head.

“You better be joking, Blake. I used to take the subway all the time before I got my license. You know, I’m not a _Gossip Girl_ character, I don’t ride around in limos or my town car.”

“The fact that you assume I ever watched that show sickens me. The fact that _you_ watched that show sickens me.”

I rolled my eyes.

“That show was great. I mean, if they were real people I would hate them. They were all horrible to each other. But I was for Chuck and Blair all the way. I guess you could say I ‘shipped’ them.” I laughed, thinking of Jasper and Monty.

“Once again, no idea who those people are. And I thought you hated that word?”

“Only when it involved you and me.”

Bellamy shook his head and laughed.

“You know, you have to at least pretend to like me in front of people.”

“I think I did a pretty convincing job of masking my inner hatred.” I smiled impishly.

“Bull, we both know you don’t hate me. At the very least, you are mildly annoyed by me.” He looked down at me, catching my eyes with his that were smiling all on their own.

“Oh, look this is our stop. I guess you’ll never know.”

We piled off the subway and made our way with the crowd up to the street.

“The gallery shouldn’t be far from here,” I noted, pulling up the address on my phone again. I led us there in silence, listening to Bellamy tell me about the paper he wrote this past week, and about how if the professor gives him a bad grade, he’ll drop the class because the guys a douche and doesn’t know how to teach anything anyway.

“I’m sure he’ll think it’s great,” I mumbled, looking up and down the street for this place. I had never actually seen it, just heard about it from my teachers at The Ark.

“Clarke, do you know where you’re going?”

“Please, have a little faith.” I scoffed.

“I would, but I can’t help but remember that time when you got the both of lost in the mall because you just swore you knew where the candy store was. They held us in that little room for an hour before our parents finally showed up, and then I was the one who got blamed and grounded.”

“Well, you were the older one. You should’ve been guiding me, I was like eight.” I chuckled softly at the memory. “But the point is, I am eighteen now and I know where I’m going. It should be just around this corner…Yes! See? I told you.” I grinned at him and he shrugged, as if to say it still didn’t make up for the mall incident.

I was glad that we were going to this gallery, because I hadn’t bought a painting in a long time, and my dad had said around my birthday that he would buy me one, but we hadn’t looked around yet. I would most likely just put any piece I wanted on hold and come back with him or with his money.

“Is it free entry?” Bellamy asked and I laughed.

“Yes, of course. But they do require that you leave all bad attitudes outside.”

He smirked and held the door open for me with all politeness.

I was immediately drawn to the still life exhibit in the first room, and Bellamy stood by me silently as I took my time admiring each painting.

I felt as if he knew that I wanted quiet, that I wanted to feel like it was just me and the painting, and I appreciated it. Either that or he was just bored.

We made our way through each room, only exchanging words about a few pieces that we particularly liked.

“Wow, this artist is amazing.” I breathe the words as I stare at an abstract painting of a city at night, full of dark blues and bright pinks and yellows and reds. I focus on this one for a minute, and move on to one by the same woman, a colorful one of a girl’s face. I noticed the way the brush strokes were thick and a bit careless and messy. One half of her face had on makeup, and the other half was plain, and had tears pooling in that eye. It was titled _Hide Your Face._ I knew that I wanted it immediately, and checked the price.

“How much is it?” Bellamy asked, leaning closer.

“799.” I stated and his eyes bugged out.

“ _What?!_ Freaking eight-hundred dollars for this? That is so ridiculous! Please tell me you’re not buying that.”

I was taken aback by his outburst, and several people turned at his raised voice.

“Bellamy, shhh! It’s an art gallery, of course it’s going to be expensive. I am putting it on hold, so please, _be quiet._ ”

He just scoffed and walked a few feet away, running his hands through his hair frustratedly. I frowned, but went to find someone to talk to about holding the painting. I filled out some paperwork, and reassured her that I would be back within a week to buy it.

When I found him, he was standing in a corner, scowling at a piece that very well could’ve been done by a dog. Even I sometimes didn’t get a lot of the weird abstract art.

“Don’t you find this is a great representation of all your inner feelings? Like indigestion, for example.”

This caused him to crack a smile, and I moved closer to him.

“Sorry I flipped. It’s just, well, we just come from very different worlds.” He said with a sigh.

“It’s funny because it’s true, yet we’ve always been part of each other’s world.”

“Yeah. Are you ready?”

“If you are, yeah, we can leave.” I said, even though I would’ve liked to check out the other exhibits. But I could tell that he wasn’t enjoying this at all anymore, and I didn’t want him to be totally bored, or have him get upset again.

“You sure?”

“Yeah. I’m coming back soon to get that painting anyway, so I can look more then.”

“Alright. Let’s go, Princess.” He offered me his arm, and I linked mine through his. “So, do you want to talk about things?”

“What things?” I asked as we walked down the semi-crowded sidewalk.

“Things, as in your mom, or as in Wells.”

“Oh. I didn’t really think you’d want to hear any of that.” I shrugged.

“If you wanted to talk, I would want to hear it.” I could feel his eyes on me, but I kept mine down.

“The thing is, and I told Wells this same thing, I can’t find it in me to hate my mother the way I hated him. And I feel awful about that.”

“You feel awful about the fact that you can’t hate your mother? That’s the strangest thing you’ve ever said.”

“I mean, I feel awful that it was so _easy_ to hate Wells, and that’s why I did it. I always take the easy choice, even when it was hating my best friend. I hate that about myself. And of course, I’m mad at my mom, so mad that I could punch something. But I don’t hate her, and I want to.”

“Clarke…” he trailed off, and I was thinking that he really didn’t know what to say. “Look, my mom’s not perfect. In fact, she’s done lots of things that I should hate her for. But the reason I don’t, is because she’s my mom, and everything she’s ever done was to keep me and Octavia alive, or happy. She went about it the wrong way sometimes, but it doesn’t change the fact that she had our interests at heart. I think maybe your mom did, too. She probably thought that your dad would get into even more trouble if he confronted them about what he found. She wasn’t trying to make him lose his job, or even ruin their marriage. Sometimes people try to do something they think is right, and things happen that they didn’t expect. I think that’s what happened. But the truth is, you need to talk to her. Let her explain, without interruptions, because I know you like to interrupt people. And decide then if you’re still mad. But, either way, your parents are happy now, aren’t they? So maybe it’s time for you to let go of that pain.”

I was staring up at him, once again surprised at the way he said just the right words.

 

_“When did you get so wise, Bellamy?”_

_“You just haven't been paying attention.”_

I recalled him saying this, and still wondered if there was some kind of meaning behind those words that he couldn’t say out loud.

“I think you’re right. Even if the reason they are happy is because they think I’m dating the guy they’ve always wanted me to, they are happy and that’s all I’ve ever wanted. Although, I think my mom might be a little less happy when I tell her I really don’t want to go to Harvard.”

“Harvard?”

“Yeah. She wants me to go there, it’s her alma mater and she has friends on the board and basically told me that she talked her way into getting me in there. But she knows I want to go to John Hopkins. I don’t know why she still tries to talk me into Harvard.”

“Why don’t you want to go to Harvard?”

I didn’t answer for a long moment, and we found a bench to sit on. I finally spoke.

“I don’t know, it’s just that it seems so cliché, and I don’t want to be just like my mom. You know, when she was my age, she was in love with this guy. Her parents didn’t approve of him, he wasn’t like them. He wasn’t rich, he wasn’t going to an Ivy League, he was just a guy. But she loved him. But her parents told her that if she didn’t break up with him and go to Harvard, they would cut her off. And it turned out she didn’t love him as much as she thought she did. She broke up with him, breaking both of their hearts. But she went to Harvard anyway, and became one of the best doctors in the state of Virginia. And she met my dad, and fell in love, got married and had me. But I know that sometimes she still wonders about that guy, and what would’ve happened if she had chosen differently. She tells me that any path without me is the wrong one, but still, I don’t want to grow up and wonder like she does. I want to choose my own life, I want to choose who I love, or if I don’t want to love anyone at all.”

I sighed when I finished, thinking that I had said too much, when Bellamy grabbed my hand in his, simply entwining our fingers and squeezing. I looked up at him and he was wearing a sad smile.

“I think that you deserve to choose whatever you want out of life. And I hope you get it.”

“Thanks.” My mouth quirked up.

“You’re welcome, Princess.”

“You know, I’m really getting used to that nickname. Which scares me.”

“I knew you would. When are you going to come up with a nickname for me?”

“The only one I can think of is Bell.”

“My mom and sister call me that,” he scrunched his nose.

“So?”

“It’s just weird.”

I rolled my eyes. “Well, come up with your own then.”

“You’re no fun.” He pouted.

“I’m plenty fun, so you just stop right there.”

“I don’t feel like arguing so sure.”

I said nothing, only laughed softly and leaned back onto the bench. Unsurprisingly, it was extremely uncomfortable. After me groaning and moving around a few times, Bellamy sighed dramatically.

“You are allowed to lay on my shoulder, you know. I mean, it’s right there. Probably more comfortable than that. Just saying.”

“Oh. Right. Yeah, thanks.” I leaned into his arm, my head resting perfectly on his shoulder. He was right, of course. It was comfortable. We sat there for a time, I closed my eyes and listened to his breathing, to the sound of people passing by, and felt my heartbeat quicken every time it remembered he was holding my hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if this sucked or you thought it was cheesy, but i liked it, soooo yeah. ayyy if you guys wanna follow me on tumblr my url is mukecasxalty, as in muke as in michael clifford and luke hemmings from 5sos bc they are my baes. you all rule for reading my story, love you all <333


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